CENTIPEDES!!!

Eww. I got shivers just typing that.

If you could check the backlog of my dreams, you'd see that there is a sort of archetype that my brain goes back to on a fairly regular basis. I am minding my own business, whether inside or out, and I see a bug, a snake, or something else alive and particularly unnerving. I go to examine it, and it disappears. Then, I turn to look for it and find that the entire area that I occupy in my dream is CRAWLING with them. More and more all the time, until I wake up in a panic.

And this is what my brain does to me while I sleep. Last night, however, there was a new wrinkle to this tired plot.

Comedy.

Seriously. I was in a house with white walls, possibly our old house from ten years ago. There was a single small centipede on the wall, like a little armored train with legs instead of wheels. And then there were two, and four, and more than I could count. I went to check out two that were on a wall, and they were gone. I took a step backward, and I heard a crunch.

Eww. Immediately I was freaking out because I'd stepped on a centipede...but when I turned around, it was a pile of potpourri I had stepped on. And we all laughed about it (who else? I dunno...) while the centipedes scurried all over the walls and carpet around us.

So, thank, brain, for concocting that little niblet of fun in all the horrifying creepy-crawliness.

Out

Care Bears? Really?

Yes. Really.

I had a dream last night in which we were solving a mystery. Who is we? I don't recall. I think Robb was there. Maybe our friend Erin. I dunno. Anywho, we kept finding all these little plastic Care Bear toys lining the road. We followed the trail, finding baby ones and big ones, some big ones with baby Care Bear fetuses in them, stone cold. Eventually, we ran across this big plowed field with huge incoming storm clouds, and we found a little barn.

Next to the barn was a tiny yellow house that apparently contained a big, fat freak of a man. He came out in overalls and nothing else, and he started trying to tell us to go home because it was about to storm. I looked in his back yard and there were three tiny yellow Care Bears standing in a circle there.

I looked away.

I looked back, and there were a bunch of them, blue and yellow and red, all in a circle.

The man started to explain his plot to dominate the world by controlling the weather through Care Bear power. And then he summoned a huge storm...

I woke up bemused. Confused. But ultimately, I was thinking about what a great idea it would be to harness Care Bear power for weather control!

Umm...yeah...I take no responsibility for what my brain does when I'm asleep...or even half awake.

Out

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These...

Last night I had a dream about the Water Guy. He lived in a tiny attic apartment with a filthy mattress and a water cooler. He told me his name was Nick Emmling and that his cell number was (813) 547-2540. Things got naughty. I think my body and mind are telling me I need to get laid.

Remember when I got fired? Let's just say I remember that more clearly than the last time I had sex.

We've been busy...and sort of low in the self esteem department. I wasn't feeling sexy or anything after losing my job, and he was injured. And while I'd be happy to have it any time, any where, our routine is a weekend morning type of thing. Maybe we can shake that up, since we're always busy on the weekends...

Blah. This is depressing.

Enough TMI.

I had a great idea for my blog today, and now I cannot remember what it was.

We took shelter last night in the bathroom for a few minutes because the storm outside was so bad. The wind was so strong at one point that it sounded like we were in a car going down the road with all the windows open. Scary stuff! So, when Robb says we should take shelter, I'm taken back to all those storms from my childhood where we sat in the basement with flashlights and prayed to God our house didn't end up on the news. And you know what? It's still standing. Although one time it was so windy that it blew a shingle off our roof that flew off and punctured the radiator of a friend's car as he drove past our house one day. No lie! How strange is that?

Script Frenzy is in full swing. I'm at 14 pages. I have no idea where I'm SUPPOSED to be, since I can't find a freaking calendar for this event ANYWHERE! But I'm getting there.

In other news, Friday we're having a party at my friend Katie's house for our joint birthday (which is on Sunday). Come on over! Call me for directions.

I'll stop rambling now. You might get a good post soon, but life's been pretty dull. Just a lot of searching for jobs and applying and not getting any response. I told God last night that I gave up my job for Lent, and now it's past Easter so I want it back! I'm still waiting on his people to contact my people...

Out

San Diego By Way of Alberta...

It's dream time here on Viewtiful_Justin, and have I got a doozy for you today!

I dreamt that I was going to San Diego to visit my Uncle Howard. Pretty tame. But the night before I was supposed to leave, I realized we had a layover in Alberta, Canada. And I had no passport, but they assured me that if I wasn't getting off the plane and actually stepping on Canadian soil, I would be fine.

So I flew Southwest Airlines (my carrier of choice in real life--they take good care of the gays and they don't charge for bags...plus, their prices are impossible to beat). And I met this really nice older woman on the plane, big hair, big glasses, big front butt. She was so sweet, though. And I informed her that this plane was making a stop in Alberta. She said she knew that, since she bought a ticket, too, and that's where she was getting off.

I am an idiot, even in my dreams.

And then I think I fell asleep because the next thing I recall was getting out of the airport at San Diego. The ocean was washing up right against the doors to the airport, and I had to wade to the parking lot past a fat little black girl who was adorable and kept asking me my name. She asked her mother to bring her her voodoo doll, because I wouldn't tell her my name. So I ran. And right when I was about to call my Uncle Howard to let him know I was in town, he showed up.

Except he was 1980s Uncle with the long hair and the bad teeth and the whole nine yards. And we walked to where he had the car. I saw a guy carrying a jug of water and I shouted, "Hey, Nick!" because, as I explained to my uncle, every water guy is called Nick.

And it turned out to be MY Water Guy...Nick. He was in San Diego for something...and I got in his hoopty van that was full of junk, and rode off with him. We were talking about whether or not he liked his job. He told me he loved it. He seemed really happy and we were just chatting, and then we pull up to a stop light and our faces are really close (since the only place to sit was on the folded up back seat right behind his seat), and he kissed me.

It was awesome. And I was like, "Well alright then. That answers that question." And then we went to this hotel room. He kept trying to find out when he could nail me, and I was unavailable. I couldn't do it right then because of medical reasons or something...and this girl was in the room.

She was gorgeous! Wavy brown hair and a model's body, great smile, long legs, etc. And she says to the Water Guy, she says, "I want some honey, too!" as we're making out. So he gets a bottle of honey and startes dribbling it all over her, and the girl screams and runs away and is like, "That's not what I meant, bastard!" And so they're fighting and wrestling all in good fun, like they're siblings or something.

And then my Uncle comes in and I'm all naked and covered myself with a blanket. He's like, "Are you guys doing the dirty-dirty in here?" And I said no. Because, we really weren't. And then he left and I woke up...I think.

Weird. I told Robb about it this morning. He laughed really hard at the fat little black girl who wanted her voodoo doll. I am ridiculous when I'm asleep. Here's proof.

Out

Busy...

I wish I were here, instead of off to work all day.  I had a dream that I could see downtown Chicago from my street.  It was glorious. 

Out