CENTIPEDES!!!

Eww. I got shivers just typing that.

If you could check the backlog of my dreams, you'd see that there is a sort of archetype that my brain goes back to on a fairly regular basis. I am minding my own business, whether inside or out, and I see a bug, a snake, or something else alive and particularly unnerving. I go to examine it, and it disappears. Then, I turn to look for it and find that the entire area that I occupy in my dream is CRAWLING with them. More and more all the time, until I wake up in a panic.

And this is what my brain does to me while I sleep. Last night, however, there was a new wrinkle to this tired plot.

Comedy.

Seriously. I was in a house with white walls, possibly our old house from ten years ago. There was a single small centipede on the wall, like a little armored train with legs instead of wheels. And then there were two, and four, and more than I could count. I went to check out two that were on a wall, and they were gone. I took a step backward, and I heard a crunch.

Eww. Immediately I was freaking out because I'd stepped on a centipede...but when I turned around, it was a pile of potpourri I had stepped on. And we all laughed about it (who else? I dunno...) while the centipedes scurried all over the walls and carpet around us.

So, thank, brain, for concocting that little niblet of fun in all the horrifying creepy-crawliness.

Out

Top 5 Tuesday: Ice Cream Edition...

Everyone love ice cream!  And if you don't, you must be one of those Commie Nazis.  And sure, it wouldn't be hard to list your top five favorite flavors, would it?  Cake Batter, Fudge Brownie, Moose Tracks...BORING!

No, no! 

Today I am here to give you my list for the Top 5 Failed Ice Cream Flavors!

5)  Spewmori

Spewmori is the offbeat cousin of an already questionable flavor:  Spumoni (chocolate, pistachio, cherry).  Spewmori is a tantalizing blend of three flavors we think you'll go gaga over!  Pomegranate, Onion, and Chutney!  Oooh.  Yum!  With real chunks of onion and pomegranate seeds (all the rage nowadays), you'll be a hit at any party when you serve this!

4)  Dill Pickle

I know, I know.  They HAVE this.  It's true.  Go to a very specialty ice cream stand and you'll be able to get a dish of this for $4.  It's a delicacy.  Yeah...right.  So are snails, but you don't see me chomping them down.  I'veh ad it, people.  Don't waste your money.  The combination of sweet and...dill...NO GOOD!

3)  Al Gore-gia Peach

This delicious blend of flavors pays homage to one of the leading political minds of our time!  Without his global warming scare film, people may not know enough to conserve our nation's natural resources, like the Georgia Peach!  That's why this blend features Peach, Corn, and Toupee flavors!  Mmm.  Nothing says delicious like a Georgia peach combined with one of the U.S.'s most abundant natural resources!  Corn?  No!  HAIR!

2)  Beef Jerky Fudge Swirl

You love fudge!  Who doesn't?  And you love beef jerky!  Why not put them together and swirl them just for fun!?  The salty, chewy jerky combined with the sweet, chocolatey fudge will make instant memories at any birthday party!  And with a base of vanilla, you can't go wrong!  Serve it with cake or steak!

1)  Neighborhood Stray Tracks

You've had Moose Tracks, Bear Tracks, Fox Tracks, Elephant Tracks, and any other tracks they've put out there.  I can guarantee you've never had this!  New, from the people who brought you all those tantalizing flavors comes Neighborhood Stray Tracks, featuring fur, caramel, and mystery chunks!  People love mystery, and this carton has it in droves!  Cat fur?  Dog fur?  Ferret?  Rabbit?  I certainly hope those brown chunks are chocolate and peanut butter!  Slap this into a dish and call up yer kinfolk!  It's time for fun!

And there you have it; the Top 5 Failed Ice Cream Flavors.  Who knows, with the publicity they'll garner here, you may see them in your grocer's freezer the next time you're looking for a late night snack!

Out