Oh man...the boy and I went to see Burlesque last night.
Phew. Glad that's over with.
We got in the theater and we were the only two in there, which I love. That means I don't have to be quiet. And as we sat there and the previews ran, I thought to myself, "These previews are a little hardcore for this movie...odd." Then the movie started and it said it was based on a true story. Umm...what? And when the name of the movie finally came up, I was like, "Ummm...we're here to see Burlesque, not Unstoppable. So I went to the asshole manager (this theater's manager has been there since it opened, and he truly is the overgrown high school nerd who thinks he's GOD) and I said, "I don't mean to be a bitch or anything, but we paid to see the 7:05 showing of Burlesque, and we're getting Unstoppable." And he goes, "Really?" Ugh. So they started the RIGHT movie and it was on like...insert Cher joke here.
Let me break it down for you: it's every "girl leaves home with big dreams" movie you've ever seen, but probably with yummier boys and worse acting. Cher's face doesn't move, which is worth watching for. Alan Cumming, sadly, only has a bit role. He's great with what he does, but I would have loved to see him. Christina Aguilera sings her ass off, but the dancing leaves something to be desired. It's fun and shiny, but nothing spectacular. There were times I actually groaned because it was so obvious that they were trying to be the next Chicago, which no one will ever be.
It's a must that you go see it if you like two things: boys that are so hot it makes you ache (Cam Gigandet is impossibly gorgeous), and Stanley Tucci. He, for sure, steals the show. All of his lines are perfect. His acting is flawless. His character feels like one that was ported over from a much better movie. So, he steals every scene he is in...which is pretty impressive since Cher is in most of them.
I would have liked to see Cher sing a little more. I would have liked them to cut out a few side plots that were poorly written and ridiculously resolved. And I would have liked to see Cam Gigandet in my car when the movie was over.
So there you have it.
Oh, and one more thing: you might want to bring a fire extinguisher. At one point Christina Aguilera was in a montage with Cher that involved a Madonna song. It was so gay I almost burst into flames.
Or your death will be a happy day.
7 hours ago