Thursday, December 30, 2010

A tooth in the coin machine, puppies, and a co-worker's been a hell of a day!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Gamer Nerd News Ahead...'s the obligatory "here's what I think" post after my Christmas games have been broken in.

First, Kirby's Epic Yarn: It's freaking adorable. The cute factor makes me want to throw up a little, but in a good way. The challenge of getting through the levels isn't there. I mean, really, I haven't found a way to die. I'm fairly certain you can't die. You just lose some beads, which is where the challenge comes in. You're awarded a medal for every level based on how completely you raped the world of its beads and treasures. Three treasures. Thousands of beads. The beads can buy you decor for your little Kirby pad and the treasures can help with furnishing rooms in an up-and-coming apartment complex. I'll be perfectly honest with you, this is what keeps me going. I'm a whore for "collect this and then do this with it" sorts of things. Not fetch-quests, but collecting. Getting a gold medal hasn't been super hard just yet, but I think the challenge will ramp up by the end of the game. It's a nice break from the ass-kicking I'm getting playing the next game on this list.

Donkey Kong Country Returns: Holy. Shit. It's the kind of game that makes you want to buy an extra controller. For the two player co-op? No, not for that. Just so you can bash one of them to bits when you get to the end of a stage for the fourth time and the same damn crab kills you randomly because you still can't get the concept of roll and THEN jump. It's not the game. It's you. And that's why I haven't rage quit. I get a liiiiiitle further every time I die, and that's enough to keep me coming back. That's not to say I haven't raised my arm and shook my fist at the television more than once. It's a great little game, and collecting the KONG letters and the puzzle pieces is going to keep me playing these levels for a long time. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled when you play it. There's some really great fan-service stuff in it.

And lastly, I got Disney Epic Mickey (the title annoys me; I think it should read "Disney's"). For the most part, it's been a really fun game with some small issues. I'm starting to find the dark, drab, overall blah of most of the scenery a little tiring. Granted, in this world, there's a reason everything's sort of ugly. But I still have started finding it a little...draining. Maybe that's intentional. What isn't intentional is the damn camera! I think I've cursed the camera system in this game more often than I have cursed at myself for fucking up in Donkey Kong...It just...doesn't listen. Doesn't make sense. Doesn't WORK! I find myself pausing for a moment to readjust the camera, and sometimes that moment is REALLY important, like, say, when you're on a sinking boat trying to find the next one to jump on. If there were a penalty for dying besides starting a room over, I'd be pissed off. I do love the pain/thinner dichotomy, though. IT's a system that works really well. Playstyle really does matter. If you use more paint and do good, you're rewarded differently than if you use thinner and make mischief. There's two ways to do almost anything in this game. Sometimes you don't really even know you've made a choice until you see the consequences and go, "Whoops..." I find that immensely satisfying, which is why the shoddy camera system doesn't have me shelving this one...yet.

I'd suggest you play all three, honestly. They're kind of wonderful in different ways. My favorite, though? Donkey Kong Country Returns. I'm not surprised, though.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Glory of Glories!

No, seriously...I'm so happy I could cry.  Last night I was just laying in bed laughing.  Why?


We got our new bed.  Oh.  My.  God!

Let me break it down for you.  Pillowtop on both sides.  Queen.  Serta Perfect Sleeper.  Seven hundred thread count sheets.  Down comforter.  Boyfriend (not pictured).  One two by four chunk (the frame was missing a wheel when we got it to the house...we'll have to recover that.  Fourteen pound Marbles kitty.

Words can't even describe how happy I am to have a real bed.  And...we got rid of an old broken entertainment center, moved a bookcase, and set up our bedroom like a real, adult bedroom.  We need some matching end tables and maybe a lamp or two.  Oh, and a headboard and footboard.  But...that can wait for now.  For now I'm going to be sleeping like a friggin baby with a smile on my face and a cat sleeping on me.  Last night we went to bed around 1 AM because we were having a new-bed-moving-in party.  I slept for around seven hours, and I woke up thinking it was about noon and feeling like I had slept for close to twelve hours.  It was 8:45.  

Glory of glories!

Now all that's left is to donate the old frame, entertainment center, and television to Goodwill.  Oh, and break the new bed in...maybe this weekend.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Five Minutes To Go...

Before I have to finish getting ready for work.

It's nice to see people posting again! It felt like a ghost town around here for a little while. I guess finals and stuff will do that. I wouldn't know anymore, sadly.

Today is a momentous occasion. If you've been reading for long, you've probably expressed incredulity at the fact that Robb and I sleep in a twin bed. If you haven't, express away.


Today (weather permitting), we are getting a real, live (well, not live...that's be creepy) queen bed! Yes. Pillowtop on both sides. Comfy. Lovely. REAL! Where are we going to put it? God only knows. Robb's got a lot of work to do in his room between 5 and 6:30 when we leave to go pick it up. My friend Katie is changing her guest room into something else, and she doesn't have room for it anymore. So. There we go.

FINALLY! We'll actually get to sleep like real people in a real room. I'm excited!

Oh, and Christmas shopping (and wrapping) is done. Now all I have to do is get Robb a birthday present and call it good. I feel so bad for him, not being able to celebrate his birthday on the 24th...ever. This year is no different. But it's okay. We usually have a warm, happy Christmas time after Christmas...or way late on Christmas day. Some year we'll spend it together...

This year, though, it's all about waking up Christmas Eve morning in a beautiful queen bed!


Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Oh man...the boy and I went to see Burlesque last night.

Phew. Glad that's over with.

We got in the theater and we were the only two in there, which I love. That means I don't have to be quiet. And as we sat there and the previews ran, I thought to myself, "These previews are a little hardcore for this movie...odd." Then the movie started and it said it was based on a true story. Umm...what? And when the name of the movie finally came up, I was like, "Ummm...we're here to see Burlesque, not Unstoppable. So I went to the asshole manager (this theater's manager has been there since it opened, and he truly is the overgrown high school nerd who thinks he's GOD) and I said, "I don't mean to be a bitch or anything, but we paid to see the 7:05 showing of Burlesque, and we're getting Unstoppable." And he goes, "Really?" Ugh. So they started the RIGHT movie and it was on like...insert Cher joke here.


Let me break it down for you: it's every "girl leaves home with big dreams" movie you've ever seen, but probably with yummier boys and worse acting. Cher's face doesn't move, which is worth watching for. Alan Cumming, sadly, only has a bit role. He's great with what he does, but I would have loved to see him. Christina Aguilera sings her ass off, but the dancing leaves something to be desired. It's fun and shiny, but nothing spectacular. There were times I actually groaned because it was so obvious that they were trying to be the next Chicago, which no one will ever be.


It's a must that you go see it if you like two things: boys that are so hot it makes you ache (Cam Gigandet is impossibly gorgeous), and Stanley Tucci. He, for sure, steals the show. All of his lines are perfect. His acting is flawless. His character feels like one that was ported over from a much better movie. So, he steals every scene he is in...which is pretty impressive since Cher is in most of them.

I would have liked to see Cher sing a little more. I would have liked them to cut out a few side plots that were poorly written and ridiculously resolved. And I would have liked to see Cam Gigandet in my car when the movie was over.

So there you have it.

Oh, and one more thing: you might want to bring a fire extinguisher. At one point Christina Aguilera was in a montage with Cher that involved a Madonna song. It was so gay I almost burst into flames.

That's all.


Monday, December 13, 2010

Again with the Water Guy...

So, after intermittent looking and getting no where, I gave up trying to find the Water Guy on Facebook. That was months ago. I figured I'd just move on, see him around town sometimes, and smile when I did. And then...

I don't know what I was looking for. I think I was just browsing through people who knew people...but I found a guy who said he worked at the water company where I knew Nick worked. So, I perused his friends list.

Stalk stalk stalk...wait!


I found him. Seriously...and my long quest was at an end. Unfortunately, it was pretty much an anticlimax. He has one photo. He's single and into women (or a liar), and he hasn't been on since August. Also...he posts weird statuses in German, which is sort of unexpected. Oh, and the photo he has? Not that great.

But at least I can stop looking now. I know he's out there and I know what his name is. That's good enough for me. It's time to put this crush to bed. I rest? Sure. That, too.


Friday, December 10, 2010

Little Red Riding Hood and Flu Symptoms...

Blah. I'm typing and feeling like I could throw up at an minute. This is awesome. I felt fine when I woke up an hour-and-a-half ago. But...I showered, I had a glass of water, I worked out (not in that fact, that's exactly reversed). Other than that? I haven't done anything. There's no reason or me to feel sick. I certainly hope it's not flu. Blech.

Well, this is an uplifting post.

Let's move on. In my writing group meeting on the 30th, I was tasked with writing about a well-known character who loses the thing that's dearest to them. This was the result:

All her life, she’d been defined by this one piece of clothing. This...blanket. This...hood. The name had followed her like the billowing cape attached. And now? She stood on the crude stone bridge looking over the edge and into the water that flowed easily by underneath.

Every good forest needed a river. This river was as good as they came, meandering through the trees, never breaking its banks, catching and disposing of leaves in the autumn. Orange, brown, red.

Little Red Riding Hood unclasped her namesake and whirled it off her shoulders, a gesture she was quite good at after years of donning and disrobing. She held it in her arms like a wounded animal. A single breath more, and it was in the river, floating, drifting. The red became saturated, dark with the river’s carriage. Before long, she couldn’t tell it apart from the leaves that rested on the surface, and after another minute it was too far away fro her to see.

She turned from the bridge’s edge and continued down the path. She wouldn’t see her grandmother again for a long time, so the worry hadn’t set in. On her way back to her mother’s house, she passed the store clerk as he crouched at the base of a tree, collecting mushrooms.

“Hello, Mr. Twist!”

He turned and looked at her, squinting at her face. Finally, he unscrewed his face and gave a small wave, not his customary hello. He didn’t even ask about her grandmother like he usually did. She shrugged and continued on her way.

Next, she met the headmaster of the small town’s school. She waved as she skipped by, but he only looked at her in her drab smock and kept walking. People certainly were being unfriendly. “Maybe it’s a full moon,” she thought to herself.

She arrived at her house in a few more minutes, a small thatched cottage on the edge of town. When she got inside, the fire was out and there was not a meal on the table. Her mother was no where to be found. She called around the small house, looking in every spot she might be hiding. “Maybe she stepped out for something.”

Before she could sit down again, she heard a commotion outside. She stepped from the cottage and looked at the street, which was teeing with people headed toward the forest. She stopped one of them.

“Excuse me, ma’am. Where is everyone going?”

The woman looked at her with bugged eyes. “The old bridge! Little Red Riding Hood has drowned! Widow Malachi found her hood on the banks a ways down.”

She chuckled and said, “But I’m Red Riding Hood!” but the woman was already too far away to hear her. She shut the door and turned, and a man was staring at her.


Little froze, staring at the man, who rushed toward her.

“You thief! Taking advantage of the commotion and the disappearance of Red Riding Hood! I’m taking you in!”

She dodged him, but he was too fast. He grabbed her right arm and started dragging her toward the constabulary. She protested, “But I’m Red Riding Hood!”

“The hell you are!” the man said, snorting. She screamed to anyone who would listen, but no one responded. They were all headed to the forest. The constable threw her into the jail cell and shut the door. “There. Now you can’t do anymore harm while we’re all off finding that poor, poor girl. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

“But...but..” she dissolved into tears as the man slammed the door and headed off with everyone else into the forest.

I love a good short short. Although the jury is still out on whether or not this is good...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Medium Difficulty...

That's what the design on my new shirt is called.

Yup.  A seance.  A Pac-Man ghost.  It's all there.

Anywho...that's my "congrats for finishing your novel" present to myself.  It's all I can afford at the moment...


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Final Countdown...

That's right, friends.  We're in the last few hours of NaNoWriMo.  Are you past the 50K line and lounging like me?  Or...are you sprinting to the finish line with the Chariots of Fire theme in your head?  The Final Countdown will obliterate any traces of that song and get lodged firmly in your novel.  Make your characters get it stuck in their heads, sing it.  Boost your word count.  

The last few hours of NaNoWriMo always make me a little wistful.  I've finished before the last day every year (mostly because I'm paranoid that something will go horribly wrong if I wait until the lat day to finish), so I've had time to contemplate the day every year.  Let me tell you...there's something bittersweet about it.  Yes, I have a rough draft of a novel sitting in my lap.'s over!  The camaraderie dissipates.  There are no longer hundreds of thousands of people commiserating with you.  Everyone goes back to their daily lives.

But daily life might give me time to read this one...since I think it's my best effort thus far.  We shall see.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Failure To Communicate...

After blocking my fourth (fifth?) person on Facebook today, I realized something.

Backstory? Sure.

My friend Rich posted something about how 9-11 was all a ploy by the American government to bring about the martial state of mind so we could invade Iraq and blah blah blah. Now, Rich and I go way back. We were best friends in high school, middle school. We were neighbors (albeit, in the country, so although I could see his house from mine, there was no direct way to get there unless I wanted to hike across a field and tree lines and a creek and another field all day...which I did at least once). We've been through a lot.

So Rich and I had this conversation where I told him he was probably loony for believing that. And after we were all done discussing it, this guy comes in. It's been more than a week. Closer to two, I think. And he starts calling names. Illegibly, mind you. punctuation, no spelling. It was sort of like being yelled at by a crazy hobo about something you and your friend were discussing on the street. Not only was it completely unwelcome, but also it was ridiculous.

So what's a literate man to do? I believe I said. "I'm the idiot? Whatever. Learn to use punctuation."

And then he comes back three days later with this TIRADE about how I'm one of the "sheeple" and our founding fathers were conspiracy theorists and how I should learn to question things and not be led to the slaughter.

Then he invited me to come to the border and help protect it. least that's what I gleaned from the ridiculous spelling and lack of punctuation.

And...I told him I wouldn't spend ten minutes with him. Then I blocked him.


Okay. So what did I realize?

Even after all these years, we still don't know how to communicate on the Internet. There's no way people are going to put in the time to figure out the dynamics of a conversation before they jump in and start calling names. He didn't know that Rich and I were best friends for a number of years. He had no idea what we'd been through together. And he didn't know the tone of the conversation we were having.

He just wanted to call some names. And I was an easy target.

Oh, and also, the Army needs to enforce basic literacy tests, I think. They won't let gays serve, but they'll let illiterate monsters in and assign them to keep us all safe. No wonder diplomacy has crumbled into namecalling.


Wednesday, November 24, 2010


The novel is done. 50,071 words. It's a shorty,'s my favorite so far.

Hooray for being done before Thanksgiving! I had a 5,000 word day yesterday and finished this that's cool. Very cool.



Saturday, November 20, 2010

Scratch that...38,108 is better!

Friday, November 19, 2010

36,081 Is A Beautiful Number...

Because it's how many words I've written as of right now.

Woot. 50K, here I come!


Friday, November 12, 2010

So...a customer just told us he lost 15 pounds and let us guess how. Then he told us he got circumcised. OMG! Funniest thing ever!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

We just saw a guy on a motorcycle bump the door of a VW bug in traffic and drive!
I just got called a glamour queen by a guy working a thrift store in Boystown...I had on a hideous floral sweater...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Where have I been? Writing 11,111 words, that's where! I'm over 1/5 of the way done!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Halloween Too...

We carved pumpkins last night!  I forgot how much I hate jamming my hand into a cold gourd and yanking out slimy innards.  But we had fun!

This one is mine.  I'm a simple guy.  I think he kind of looks like a Dragon Quest enemy with his big eyes and mouth that scream "cute but menacing."

And this is Robb's.  Recognize him?  You might if you read Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  It's Fregley.  And it's a damn good carving, too!  I was way impressed with his results.

He's all lit up and ready to cast a fire spell.

Fregley's all lit up and ready to show you his "secret freckle."  Little creeper...

All in all, an adorable Halloween!  

Oh, and I learned a lesson.  Pumpkins make scarier faces when you point them at a blank wall:

Much more menacing!  

Happy Halloween!


Thursday, October 28, 2010


I've been so busy with work and NaNo planning, house sitting last week, and just real life that I haven't really been thinking about Halloween.  I have two costume parties that I may or may not be going to, a birthday party, and a write-in this weekend.  I'm going to miss the write-in because of work.  I'm going to skip out on one party because I can't afford to go to a restaurant where they don't even print the prices on the menu, and the other two parties...costume parties.

Now, I normally love Halloween...I don't LOVE it like most gays I know (I've heard it called "The Gay Christmas" more than once), but I enjoy it.  This year, though, I just haven't been feeling it.  I wasn't thinking about a costume.  See, I couldn't fall back on Pearl, because I didn't want to shave.  I don't want to spend any money on a costume this year, either.  So I'm stuck with what's in the closet.  

So what IS in the closet?

Lots.  What you DON'T see (besides what I don't want you to see) is a diner waitress uniform with a nametag that says PEARL, my shoes, and assorted sweaters.  What you DO see, though...corduroy jacket, white hair color spray, a long black wig, various shirts and junk, all of my underpants and socks and undershirts, and every shirt and pair of pants I own.  What am I going to be?

Well...I think I'm gonna go the easy route.  Corduroy jacket.  Corduroy pants.  Argyle sweater.  A little bit of gray hair spray.  Voila!  I'm an English professor.  Super easy.  Super cheap.  

Halloween is DONE.  And after the parties?  I can start on my novel.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh, Monday...

This weekend I ran across a couple of things that stopped me in my tracks.

The first is fairly obvious:

Right?  It's a bread label.  There were seven of these...all spelled wrong.  It sort of made me want to cry.

The second?  The second thing just made me want to write a pointy letter to someone over in the design department of this particular publication.  This is what you'd call a creative fail:

Fashion?  More 60s than 70s.  That's not what bugs me.  What bugs me is the font they used.  It's clearly, CLEARLY a 60s font.  The little star/flowers?  That's stereotypical 60s design.  The font?  TOTALLY 60s.  The more I looked at it, the more it bothered me.  Gah!

Anywho...that's that.  Tomorrow is my day off, so I'll be posting a recap video blog, I think.  I did a 7th, but I never got it uploaded...and it's not that shall see if I post it.  Anyway...enjoy your days, and do something spontaneous!


Sunday, October 24, 2010

The worship leader just said "more greater"...oh man. That'll make your skin crawl...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What's On Deck...

Well...I put everything in my iTunes and hit shuffle.

The first ten?

1. "Music Again" by Adam Lambert

2. "Which To Bury, Us Or the Hatchet" by Relient K

3. "In the Meantime" by Spacehog

4. "If You Were Gay" from the Avenue Q soundtrack

5. "Little Queen" by Heart,

6. "Superhero Girl" by Eve 6

7. "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

8. "Yo Tengo" by Silage

9. "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady Gaga

10. "Snow (Hey Oh)" by Red Hot Chili Peppers

That's a pretty accurate cross section, now that I look at it.

And the top 10 plays? Well...

1. "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green

2. "Jaded" by LaRue

3. "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak

4. "Killing Me Softly" by The Fugees

5. "Constellations" by Jack Johnson

6. "I Haven't Been Myself Lately" by John Reuben

7. "Kiwi" by Maroon 5

8. "Loving You" by Paolo Nutini

9. "Fine China" by Andy Davis

10. "Kiss it Goodbye" by Andy Davis

Yeah...that's less representative than it should be, for sure.

In case you wondered. How about yours?


Monday, October 11, 2010

Reminder: CORD MCCOY.

Weekend Synopsis...

Friday? Work. Rocky Horror. A girl behind me got upset during the rain scene and screamed, "OH, HELL NO! I just got my hair permed! We outta here!" They left early. Noobs.

Saturday? Work. I saw my brother. My mom's drunken 50 year old friend told me she'd like to fuck me. Her drunken friend told me she wasn't afraid of my boyfriend. And...Brandon wouldn't sit down. On the way home I got pulled over for honking my horn as I left town. Two officers. Written warning. BULLSHIT!

Sunday? Work. And my brother and sister came over for dinner. We had fun. I introduced my brother to Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You." It's his new favorite song. He said it was life changing like the first time he saw a vagina. Eww. He said plaid shorts are gay. Robb's a great cook. And my brother doesn't wear underpants.

Monday? Nothing yet. Day off. National Coming Out Day! I'm gay. Robb and I talked about high school crushes, locker room moments. I had a brownie for breakfast. My brother and I are supposed to hang out before my dad picks him up at five. The Hair Cuttery didn't answer their phone. I have to call my bro.

Tomorrow? Board meeting and a day off. Haircut?


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

That Was Unexpected...

I had an appointment with a dentist today at 10:30. I made the appointment yesterday. I didn't expect that would happen so fast.

I went in, and they told me they'd just be looking at my teeth and getting an idea of my overall dental health and creating a treatment plan so I could see what I was getting myself into. So, they poked and prodded and counted and remarked. Yes, I'm missing two teeth. No, that half-tooth in the back doesn't bother me now and has never hurt. Yes, I know I should floss.

And then they found something...

They kept referring to it as a "microdent." He said it's not a baby tooth. It's just...a tiny tooth that is extra and had lodged itself between to other teeth, just for funsies. So, since I'm apparently such an anomaly, he called in the hygienists and they all "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed and "that's really weird"ed over my mouth. And then we moved on. I wondered what he thought of it, how common it is, and what they were planning on doing about it...but we moved on. The hardest part of being at the dentists was not being able to talk and ask questions when I wanted to.


He decided we should start with the upper left part of my mouth, around where I had my first tooth pulled. There were cavities in the teeth next to it and one other. He said I'd need my wisdom teeth removed. And they wanted to talk to me about getting implants where those two teeth were removed.

And then they told me that the upper left section of my mouth they could do today. So...I panicked. I wanted out, somehow. I've never had a cavity filled. I've never had much dental work at all done. And they wanted to just...get right to it. I wondered aloud if I'd be okay. They assured me that if I'd had a tooth pulled, I'd be okay. Except...the dental hygienist said that I'd "just be awake for this procedure." When I told them I was awake for the extractions, they all jumped back and were like, "Oh, honey, then this is going to be a cake walk."

And I explained to them my fear of needles, and they numbed my gums up with a swab...and another swab...and a third. And I didn't see or feel the needle. I just...closed my eyes and let them work. And before I knew it, I was getting drilled and filled.

And not in the good way.

I didn't expect it would happen so fast.

But there was no pain--just a lot of water and noise. I don't hate the sound of a dental drill. I do hate having to keep my mouth open so long. Ouch. My jaw is sore...

But I have three fillings now, and...that's good. Next Tuesday I get to have the lower left done. Maybe I'll be able to eat by then...


Saturday, September 25, 2010

I was just told that my teeth hurt because the dentist is the only person whose tool I'm afraid to put in my mouth.

Friday, September 24, 2010

"Turn the Beat Around" is officially my jam.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Poem No One Will Read...


Open that drawer and dump its contents
into a big black bag.
Deposit your dreams, childish things, urges
into that empty drawer.
Pretend you don’t want, don’t hurt with desire,
Grow up, wear a tie, pay your bills.
And whenever you feel the urge to peek
into that drawer of taboos,



Tuesday, September 21, 2010


*ahem*  Mrow.  Is this thing on?  

Oh, good.  Listen.  Mom stepped out for a minute...maybe he's bringing me food?  Hi.  I'm Marbles.  You might know me as the fat kitty in the chair.  I think that's what Mom calls me.  Mrow.  I'm a little hungry.  Does anyone have some food?  I don't want--wait...was that a wrapper crinkling?  Oh, no...just my tail brushing some junk off the bed.  Why do they put all their stuff on the best places to sit?  The food room table is always cluttered.  Behind the picture box thingy is full of cords, and whenever I get on the counter where all the delicious dishes are, they both yell at me.  Mom wakes up from a sound sleep if she hears me get up there.  It's how I get him out of bed some mornings when I can't find his glasses to chew on.  

What was I going to say?  Oh, right.  Food.  Does anyone have any food I could have?  As you can see, I'm wasting away to nothing.  A kitty needs his strength, and I'm almost too tired to yowl at the top of my lungs and race around the house today.  Mom doesn't appreciate my singing, especially when she's asleep.  But as long as I stay an arm's length away from him, then I can do whatever I want.  Then he calls me naughty kitty and sends Dad after me.  

And Dad...oh man...he flips me over and rubs my belly.  He puts me on his shoulders to ride around.  He pries my lips apart and looks at my "little teefers," whatever those are.  But he gives me I let him.  I bite Mom when Mom does it, because he's always telling Dad to stop giving me food, since I'm so fat.  It's muscle, I swear!  I just wish it wasn't so hard to clean my belly and feet.  I lick and lick and lick, and then I'm all out of breath so I sigh.  Mom laughs at me.  Dad starts cooing and picks me up to rub my belly that I JUST CLEANED!

It's hard living with Mom and Dad...especially when I'm so hungry all the time.  Does anyone have any food?

How does Mom usually end these things?


Monday, September 20, 2010


I was going to post a video blog. YouTube ate it. So...there's that.

It's my mom's birthday today. I'ma call her.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Flashing ComEd...

This morning I woke up, as I tend to do when I don't open at work, at around 8:30. If you've been reading my blog for the past few years, you probably already know what I wear to bed. If you don't, let me clue you in: not a thing. So, this morning, I rolled out of bed, opened the blinds in the living room and kitchen, like I normally do, and went in to the bathroom.

Now, you may be wondering why a naked man would open his blinds every morning BEFORE getting dressed. Well, we live on he second floor. Out the back bedroom windows is the yard. Our back yard is a retention area with only one-story homes around it. And across the street out the front windows are more one story homes. Unless someone is climbing a tree in our back yard or climbing up a ladder (which has happened with maintenance...), no one is going to see in.

Or so I thought.

So, I come out from the bathroom and go strolling in to the living room, and what do I see? Apparently a Com Ed truck has rolled up while I was in there. So...bucket truck out the window. I walked to the kitchen. There was a SECOND truck out THAT window. And then I retreated to the bedroom where I could be sure not to bee seen...and if I were wearing pants, I might have crapped in them. There was a THIRD truck IN OUR FREAKING PARKING LOT! So. All the blinds are open. There are bucket trucks outside of every window. And I'm naked.

What a bright morning this is turning out to be...let me creep to the closet and put on some pants...


Monday, September 13, 2010


Have you ever worked on something for so long that you kind of forgot why?

I've been compiling a playlist. When did I start? Oh...January, maybe? Perhaps earlier. And last night I was looking through my music and thinking to myself, "What the hell did I want to say in this list? Was it sexy or regretful? And...why?"

But now I've compiled enough songs that I might have to finish it. Not to mention that I'm basically hard-wired to listen for songs that might fit it after more than six months of doing just that. Everything on the radio, everything on my computer, every movie I watch, every music video someone links all just goes into a little machine in my head that weighs the lyrics against a set of feelings. Do they match? No. On to the next one. Do they match? Maybe. It goes on the maybe list. There aren't very many yes songs. I think I've got six, maybe...

But I've been doing it for so long that last night I got confused...I think the story I'm trying to tell with the songs got a little muddied after being stirred so long.

And no. I'm not sharing the list just yet. Maybe once I decide on an actual title. Right now it's called Tanis Judique, which doesn't probably mean anything to any of you. It may end up being the name I choose, but...maybe not.

Anywho, that's what has been on my mind lately. I think I need a break from thinking about it.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Waitwaitwait...I'm WHAT?!

Sometimes when I'm talking about my plans for the next week or so, I'm stopped cold by the thought that I don't even know who I am anymore. Take today, for instance.

What do I have to do today? Oh, you know, get a haircut, buy some more Burt's Bees, maybe stop in at work to see Dorothy's new suit, go to my first church board meeting, eat some cornbread...


Board meeting?

I know, I know. Who are you? You're the guy who hates church politics and is uncomfortable meeting new people. You're the guy whose mom left every church she ever attended (except the one she's at now) because of board members and expectations and everything that makes a church more a business than a refuge for people who just want to love the world. Yeah...that guy.'re a BOARD MEMBER?

Well, I was asked to be. United Campus Ministries wanted the viewpoint of someone like me...or, more specifically, of me. I'm a townie. I go to Lutheran Campus Ministries on Wednesday nights. I go to United Church of Christ on Sundays when I'm not at work. I'm a twenty-something for a few more years. And I'm gay. So...I'm at least a little bit unique. They didn't point any of that stuff out when they asked me to be a board member. They just said they wanted me. And, I was honored. So...

Today is the first meeting. I have no idea what to expect. I assume we'll get to know each other, talk about the budget, discuss a trip that we plan on sponsoring, and go home. But, honestly, I have no idea. I've never been on a board of any kind. I don't know if I've ever held any position of authority least not OFFICIALLY.

So. Yeah...It's safe to say that I'm nervous. But I can't worry about that at the moment. I need to get my hair cut...


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Longer Weekends, Please!

So, I got a three-day weekend. I's rare for me, too. But I did. And into that weekend we packed a wedding, church, writing group, a baseball game, and a meal at my mom's house. It was a full weekend!

Through it all I was fighting. Relentlessly. With an inanimate object.

At one point, I almost threw my camera out the window of the car as we crossed over a bridge outside of Peoria. My arm was drawn back, the memory card was in my hand, and I was ready to throw. They talked me out of it.

Every time I turn it on, there's a zoom error. If I pinch the front of the camera and turn it on, it's fine. And sometimes it zooms but doesn't re-focus. And sometimes it doesn't zoom at all, even though the display is telling me it's zoomed. And sometimes, rarely, it works just fine and gives me beautiful, perfect photos.

Key word: rarely.

So, yeah...I'm ready for a new one, but on my list of things that are more important are my teeth, an iPod touch, and, of course, my bills. The odds of getting a new camera before Christmas? Not bloody likely.


Saturday, September 4, 2010

My friend Jenni describes pregnancy: you have to be on your best behavior, and even then you may end up with your head in the toilet.

Friday, September 3, 2010

School Memories?

I couldn't see the front of the classroom. The blackboard was a blur of chalk lines and huge letters I couldn't make out. It was like I couldn't blink the grogginess of sleep from my eyes. Everyone else seemed prepared, but I couldn't find my notebook for the class. I knew it was science. I knew it was in an old notebook from last year, but I just couldn't seem to find it. Then music starts and a big man with a beard comes in. Is he in overalls? I can't really see him either. And...I can tell this is going to be a long semester. What kind of arrogant prick of a professor has his own entrance music?

Earlier, I'd seen some friends of mine, chatted about college. I saw my old roommate in our apartment. I'd even gotten into a sort of questionable situation with an old friend of mine, and he almost let slip some secrets to a group of people that included my boyfriend, which could have been kind of disruptive. We were all watching Mean Girls, when Lindsay Lohan turns into a gigantic pregnant lesbian and starts to beat the shit out of everyone in the gymnasium, even my ex boyfriend, Steve.

I'd yelled out the window at two kids I thought were friends of mine. "GET A JOB!" They both looked up. It was 9 AM. They weren't people I knew. And there they were, in my class. I apologized, but they thought it was funny, since they were listening to the same song I was at the time, one that said, "Get a job" in the lyrics. And I couldn't figure out how to sit right in my desk so I had some space to write on. And...holy cow...I had to pee.

Could I wait 50 minutes to pee? How long was this class, anyway? I didn't woke up.

My dreams...oh my gosh...they're so weird lately.


Monday, August 30, 2010

To That De-luxe Apartment In the Sky-y-y...

We're movin' on up!  

Saturday we hung out with friends and went mini-golfing.  It was awesome!  Afterwards, when we were hanging at our friend Erin's house, I said we should get rid of our nasty love seat that no one EVER uses and replace it with one of those Ikea know the ones:

Slightly springy, footrest, the whole nine yards.

Yup.  That one.

And we built it.  Ourselves.  Footrest and all.  

Now...we just have to get rid of this disgusting love seat.  Does Goodwill do pickups?


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Quotes from our car ride: "I just got hit in the back of the neck by Fight Club."

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Today I drove three blocks to drop off my car for an oil change.  I love that my mechanic is literally right around the corner.  I jogged ran home.  I'm out of shape.  Running made me feel like maybe I might die.  My throat was all kinds of puling and tight, and I couldn't catch my breath.  It was awesome.

I'm the first to admit that I am, by no means, a runner.

Hell, I'm barely even a walker.

But I walked back to get my car, and I was thinking while I walked, thinking in a way I don't think while I drive.  I started to notice the smells, the sounds, the beauty of my little neighborhood.  I think we lost that, somewhere...or, more accurately, lost our appreciation for that...or our ability to appreciate that...or something. 

We drive everywhere.  Other people are just in our way.  We don't have the time to see and smell and hear while we're guiding our 1500lb. bullet wherever we've overbooked ourselves next.

Yes, this is a "stop and smell the roses" post.

But it's also about community.  

When I got out and walked, I felt like a part of something bigger.  The flowers in that old lady's yard are a part of my neighborhood.  Those three barking dogs are a part of my neighborhood.  The big, lush garden in that guy's backyard.  My neighborhood.  My community.  And just by getting out and walking three blocks, I felt connected.

Take a walk tonight around your neighborhood.  Wave at a neighbor.  See.  Hear.  Smell.  Feel connected.


Monday, August 23, 2010

Kurt Vonnegut

One of the pleasant little consequences of my job it that I'm actually reading again.  It used to take me six months to get through a book.  I just never made the time to read.  And now?  I've got loads of time, and I'm getting paid to do it.  So...why not?  There's so much down time at work that we all bring books.  One of the first books I brought to read was Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut.  

And I loved it!  More than I can say.  It was just...hilarious and tragic and imaginative.  It made me read like I did when I was ten, devouring the book on the edge of my seat, knowing what was going to happen (as Vonnegut writes his books with the ending first, as I've come to find out) but wondering how in the world the characters were going to get there.

I had read Slaughterhouse Five a few years ago and enjoyed it, but it didn't blow my mind or anything.

Cat's Cradle, however, made me fall in love with his writing!  I devoured Galapagos, and yesterday I just finished The Sirens of Titan, which I believe was his first book.  They're all so weird and wonderful.  And his structure...oh man.  It's like, "Here's a character.  Here's what is going to happen to that character in the end, although they don't know it yet.  And here's 300 pages explaining how they got there.  The end."

It's divine.  I'm thinking maybe my next NaNoWriMo novel should be structured similarly.  I dunno...I need an idea first.

And now?  I'm out of Vonnegut.  I have to go buy some more soon!  What books by Vonnegut have y'all read that you liked?


Friday, August 20, 2010

I instantly think less of you when you say "checkings account". There's NOT AN "S" AT THE END!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Getting Married...

First, to answer your questions:

No, it's not legal in llinois.

No, he didn't propose.

No, we're not going to Iowa or California or any other state to make it happen.

I was just thinking about it, and we were talking about it in the car again. I always get stuck on the colors. His favorite color is purple. My favorite color is green. My second favorite is orange. None of which make good combinations. So...I dunno. I'm stuck there. I thought maybe we could do black and white with an accent color. That's still pretty high in the running, but then you run into the problem of what the accent color would be and why.

It's all so messy.

Destination wedding? No. I already put the axe to that one. I don't want people to have to pay or go WAY out of their way to be there. I'd like everyone I love to be at my wedding.

In my wedding? Well...that's another sticking point. There's one person I know I want to be IN my wedding (besides Robb, of course), and that's David, to play the organ/piano/whatever. But as far as bridesmaids and groomsmen...even the terminology isn't right. What do you call them? Attendants? Groomsmen and groomsmen? But they're not going to be men, largely. Robb doesn't really have that many close guy friends. And I can't decide who I'd want up there with me. I wouldn't want anyone to feel left out...

Best man? Maybe my brother? I dunno...

Being that its a gay wedding, I think that there are people who may not feel comfortable attending or being IN it. My brother is in the Army. Would he want to be in a gay wedding? I'd like to think he would be in my wedding no matter WHO I was marrying, as long as they treated me right. But, I dunno.

How do you pick who will be in your photos for all of time? Hell, I can't even decide on a COLOR!


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Identical Grandma Train Bridge...

I woke this morning from dreams where I was at my grandma's funeral. I was running from this guy I knew from high school whom I had called an ass because he was spitting everywhere and revving his engine to scare children. He got his cronies against me, and I was just running through this high school knocking people down and crashing through doors, hoping to get outside. And then when I did, I couldn't figure out where I was supposed to go for the funeral.

Insert a brief ice dancing scene that made me feel like a star.

And then I was crossing a train bridge over this disgusting reddish water, and trains were coming by on the four rails al the time. I was chewing on wax for some reason, and it kept getting bigger and bigger in my mouth all the time, no matter how much I spit out. Ugh.

Oh, and at some point there was this huge line of old ladies with perfectly round, curly hair. They all looked like my grandma, the one who had died (she actually died about ten years ago), except for the one that looked like my old pastor's wife.

I don't get it.

Today I'm at work from 11 to 7. Well doggies.


Friday, August 6, 2010

I Have a Laptop...


Is it perfect? No. There's a questionable pixel or two down in the lower right corner, but it's not completely dead and it's out of the way, so...whatev.

I have a laptop. And $200...theoretically. I haven't actually seen it yet, know.

And I'm thrilled. Couldn't be happier.

What? Prop 8? Oh...yeah...and there's that. But they've appealed the decision, because when the court decides something, no one ever just accepts it. We wanted to strike down Prop 8 for being unconstitutional. It was. Now they want to strike down the striking down because...well, I want to say that it's because they can't stand to see happy people who believe differently than they do, but it's really because they, too, believe that what they're doing is the right thing, the good thing, the just cause. And I think this will just keep going on...for now.

Everything in life is only for now.

So you won't hear me whooping or hollering or rushing off to get married, despite how much I want to. Because this isn't over, and if this computer debacle has taught me anything, I've realized that the best way to avoid crushing disappointment is to not get too excited about anything.

So forgive my silence on the matter.

Just listen to the clacking of my brand new keyboard and see the quiet little smile of triumph on my face from all counts.


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Finally, Apple Owns Up...

I called Apple yesterday. I was calm. I waited 20 minutes on the line for a customer service rep. They were busy, apparently. He picked up the phone and I asked to speak to a supervisor. He asked me why, and I told him I was calling with a complaint about customer service, and from then on, he was WAY nice to me. 20 minutes later, I had a supervisor. I told him what had been going on with the computer, starting 10 years ago when I decided I wanted a MacBook, and how excited I was to get one finally, only to have all of this go on. I told him what I'd been told, what had been promised falsely, and what had just plain gone wrong. I finally got to use the phrase, "This was supposed to be a fun, joyful occasion for me, but it has turned into a complete nightmare!"

And you know what? He cared.

He followed along with me in my customer notes. He saw the things they'd said to me and how wrong they were. He apologized profusely, made me feel like I wasn't crazy for being mad, and, best of all, he did something about it. After all my hassle, after all the people I talked to who apologized but didn't do anything, he's refunding me $200. Yes, you read that number right. How amazing is that? He said, "Well, you told me you work at a bank, so I know you appreciate money. Here's what I can do." And he did it.

He listened. He acted. He made all my anger go away.

And now I have $200 saved for my iPod touch I'm eying!

Best of all, my computer should be here today! Maybe the curse of disappointing Thursdays is over. I certainly hope it is.

Maybe, after all these long weeks and overemotional blogs, I'll finally have what I wanted.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Eww. I got shivers just typing that.

If you could check the backlog of my dreams, you'd see that there is a sort of archetype that my brain goes back to on a fairly regular basis. I am minding my own business, whether inside or out, and I see a bug, a snake, or something else alive and particularly unnerving. I go to examine it, and it disappears. Then, I turn to look for it and find that the entire area that I occupy in my dream is CRAWLING with them. More and more all the time, until I wake up in a panic.

And this is what my brain does to me while I sleep. Last night, however, there was a new wrinkle to this tired plot.


Seriously. I was in a house with white walls, possibly our old house from ten years ago. There was a single small centipede on the wall, like a little armored train with legs instead of wheels. And then there were two, and four, and more than I could count. I went to check out two that were on a wall, and they were gone. I took a step backward, and I heard a crunch.

Eww. Immediately I was freaking out because I'd stepped on a centipede...but when I turned around, it was a pile of potpourri I had stepped on. And we all laughed about it (who else? I dunno...) while the centipedes scurried all over the walls and carpet around us.

So, thank, brain, for concocting that little niblet of fun in all the horrifying creepy-crawliness.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Serously, Target? Seriously?

Check this article out:  Target Paints Bullseye With Anti-Gay Contributions.

I'm getting sick of my favorite stores being dumbasses about equal rights.  Now where do we shop?!



Monday, August 2, 2010

I Love Apple...

No, seriously. I'm going to write them a love note.

Dear Apple,

Thanks for all the hassles. Thanks for the gray hairs. Thanks for the stress that's keeping me awake. Thanks for working slow and screwing things up. But most of all, thanks for NOT CHARGING ME FOR MY NEW LAPTOP!!!



No, seriously. I got my ship notice today. It should have been here today. But I'm willing to overlook that for the moment, because it will be here by Thursday. And when I checked my account at work, realizing my computer was on its way AND that they had refunded me my shipping costs over the weekend, I realized something. I have almost $1400 extra dollars in my bank account, and Apple hasn't charged me for it yet. But it's on its way to my house. Right now. As we speak. But they haven't charged me. But it's on it's way. But they didn't charge me. But it's coming...for free.

Everyone, hold your breath. No, seriously. You, too. This could be the break that I've been waiting for.


Friday, July 30, 2010

To Do...

Today is a "go" day.  This is a term I borrowed from Mommacakes.

I will be going, doing, and seeing today. 

I have to go try on my tux for the wedding I'm in tomorrow, and I'm WAY nervous it won't be even remotely right in size, since the guy who measured me was, like, 12, and the numbers he got weren't close to what I know I actually am.

I realize that statement is agist.  I hate it when people discriminate based on age.  It happens to me all the time at work, less now than it did when I worked for National City (now PNC).  People ask you a question, and when you answer them, they look at the person next to you who appears to be older (as everyone does next to me), sees them nod, and THEN believes you.  They can't take YOUR word for it.  No, no.  They have to hear it from someone who isn't a dumb young kid.

Anywho.  I'm just hoping I'm not swimming in my tux.

Then?  Wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. 

Oh, and in computer news, I called Apple when I noticed they issued me a refund for my computer yesterday.  They apparently weren't planning on sending a replacement like they'd said they were.  I'm beginning to think they need to hire people who aren't just nice, but who can ALSO DO THEIR DAMN JOB!  I'd much rather talk to someone rude who got things done than someone who is sweet but as dumb as a post. 

So I got my computer ordered, my original 2-3 day shipping refunded (seeing as how it's more than two weeks since I originally ordered my computer and I still don't have it), and a 15% coupon promised to me for my next purchase. 

And I didn't have to firebomb the offices.  Now, if only it gets here on Monday, the 2nd, when he told me it was coming.  If not?  *sigh*  I'm tired of being disappointed by this company.

So there's that. 

I feel like I have something else to do today...but I can't figure out what.  Oh well. 

It's time to go.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Finishing a Series...

I feel like I've lost some close friends.  Like I moved away from one of life's most beautiful places, and I can never go back, except to relive the memories.  And that's sad.

Last night Robb and I finished watching Pushing Daisies.  It could be the most beautiful series that has ever been on television.  The music is fun, the colors are vibrant, and all the characters are quirky and amazing.  Unfortunately, the writers' strike ruined what could have been an amazing thing.  And when TV came back, no one wanted anything to do with Daisies. 

But I did.

I love Ned, Chuck, Olive Snook and Emerson Cod.  Love them!  I want to be best friends with all of them.  I want to visit the Aunts' house, meet Pigby, eat at the Pie Hole.

And now?  I have no more episodes to watch.  There ARE no more episodes to watch.  Two seasons...over.

It's a little depressing.  And it's stupid that I feel a sense of loss.  It's TV, for Digby's sake!  But...I let them into my house for an hour every day, and now I think I'm gonna miss them. 

I've gotta say, though, that the worst part of it is having loose ends that just will never be resolved.  What happened to Chuck's dad?  How do Lily and Vivian react to the big secret?  To each other?  What about Emerson's daughter?

Ugh.  It kills me to have to move on.  Twenty-two episodes.  Sad.

But there's hope.  I just ordered Wonderfalls on Amazon.  Lee Pace (Ned), who is one of my favorite actors after this show, is in this series, written by Bryan Fuller, as well. 

Goodbye, Coeur d'Coeurs.  Maybe we'll meet again in the Pushing Daisies graphic novel, if it's ever released.


Monday, July 26, 2010

What No One Told Me...

I called Apple today. And then my blood pressure spiked. Rage? No one even knows rage compared to this.

Here I sat waiting for my replacement computer to show up. For a fucking week. A WHOLE WEEK!

Do you know why? Because NANCY told me that they'd send me a replacement and I wouldn't have to do anything until it got here. She said that when it came on the 22nd, I could ship the old one back. She guaranteed me it would be here on the 22nd.

She needs to be fired.

NOT ONLY did she not tell me the shipping labels wouldn't be available to print for 24 hours, BUT ALSO she didn't mention that I had to ship the old one back before they'd send a new one.


I should have bought a Dell. At least I'd HAVE that by now.

Two weeks ago. I ordered my damn computer TWO WEEKS ago. And that was with 2-3 day shipping. It took a week to get here. And due to this cute little SNAFU, It's taking the new one more than a week to show up.


Seriously...they're going to be refunding me my $15 shipping fee if I have to march down there myself and take it out of a register. This is ridiculous. Have they offered me anything but misinformation and an apology? No.

They say one bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch, but I'm starting to think that little aphorism isn't accurate.


Friday, July 23, 2010


Yesterday the UPS guy came into the bank, and I got all excited. No computer.

Then the supplies delivery guy came in and I thought he was FedEx. No computer.

Then FedEx actually came in, and I was absolutely giddy! No computer.

What the fuck, Apple? You said Thursday. You're really trying my every last nerve. I'm one afternoon and a glass of wine away from calling you up and chewing some nice customer service agent a new asshole until you sweeten the deal with something to make me happy. First you're late. Then the computer is gimpy. Then you connect me to someone who has a thick accent, which I don't mind terribly unless she's so quiet I can't hear her and she's trying to give me return shipping instructions. Then you're late AGAIN!

I'm seriously about to make some Applesauce.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Fuck You, New Computer...

No, a big one.

I got my brand new MacBook Pro delivered to work today at 9:30. I got off at 3, after what seemed like a ten-thousand-hour day, and I came home to take it out of the box. I turned it on, and immediately I noticed something was wrong.


I'm so mad I could spit.

I called Apple's customer support line, and they said they're sending me shipping labels and a new computer. So, that's nice. But I have tomorrow off, and I was SO looking forward to a new computer.

She said she was emailing them, but I haven't gotten them yet...isn't that supposed to be sort of instantaneous?


I'm so sick of nothing EVER being easy.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

Reminder: Glazin down the HPT. And That Baby Don't Look Like Me...ghetto songs from Paul.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Canvassing for Guests...

So, I just bought Dragon Quest 9. I know. It sounds nerdy. It IS nerdy.

Shut up.

There's a hotel in the game that you help start, and there's a feature called "canvass for guests". You just select that option and close your Nintendo DS without shutting it off. It goes into sleep mode, and anyone else you pass withing 30 feet of who is also canvassing for guests will make contact with your game and become a guest in your hotel. They may even share treasure maps with you.

Do you know what this does to me? I want to take my DS everywhere. I want to go into the city and wander the streets, Chinatown, the mall. I want to take the damn thing to work with me just in case some kid comes through the drive who may be canvassing for guests. It's a little obsessive. I took it grocery shopping yesterday. No results.

I'm thinking of looking into groups online that meet to play, to trade, etc.

This thing is going to eat my life. And that's just ONE of the many, many amazing aspects of this game that doesn't even have ANYTHING to do with the story!

I'm pretty much doomed.


Monday, July 12, 2010

And 30 seconds after posting that, my money came in! My computer has been ordered, and now we just play the waiting game.


No, really.

I submitted my computer loan paperwork on Thursday in the hopes that someone would HOP TO and get it started on Friday. Alas, I got a phone call by accident on Friday that alerted me to the fact that they would be putting the paperwork in on Monday.

So I waited all weekend. Looked at the Apple website. Drooled. Dreamt.

Today I go to work and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...
...and checked my account...

You get the picture.

Now I'm home for the day. No computer money. Thankfully, I should see the money by tomorrow at the very latest. Even more thankfully, I have online banking. So, now I get to check my account...
...and check my account...
...and check my account...
...and check my account...


Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Daylights - Rogue Machine. Just a reminder.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Care Bears? Really?

Yes. Really.

I had a dream last night in which we were solving a mystery. Who is we? I don't recall. I think Robb was there. Maybe our friend Erin. I dunno. Anywho, we kept finding all these little plastic Care Bear toys lining the road. We followed the trail, finding baby ones and big ones, some big ones with baby Care Bear fetuses in them, stone cold. Eventually, we ran across this big plowed field with huge incoming storm clouds, and we found a little barn.

Next to the barn was a tiny yellow house that apparently contained a big, fat freak of a man. He came out in overalls and nothing else, and he started trying to tell us to go home because it was about to storm. I looked in his back yard and there were three tiny yellow Care Bears standing in a circle there.

I looked away.

I looked back, and there were a bunch of them, blue and yellow and red, all in a circle.

The man started to explain his plot to dominate the world by controlling the weather through Care Bear power. And then he summoned a huge storm...

I woke up bemused. Confused. But ultimately, I was thinking about what a great idea it would be to harness Care Bear power for weather control!

Umm...yeah...I take no responsibility for what my brain does when I'm asleep...or even half awake.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

New favorite song lyric: We could talk relationships, but there's better things to fill your head with. ~Whole New Way by Scissor Sisters.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I wonder if there are statistics on how many people pass out while gargling...

[B]itchin' / Retreat...

Allow me to bitch.

My shirt was all kinds of uncomfortable today at work. It didn't feel tucked right, and it just kept feeling bigger and bigger and more and more out of place. Add to that the fact that my face is completely sunburnt from this weekend, and, thus, itchy. My nose is seeping pus (TMI, I know) from its pores because it's so badly burnt.

Today seemed to go by quickly, but I made the mistake of commenting on it and jinxing myself. So my last customer of the day walks in and I have to put a hold on her check due to the amount. This takes about fifteen minutes. I wanted to cry and throw things.

Now my attitude is just in the toilet. as is my mood, and I'm going to beat a hasty retreat from everything and everyone and ball up so I don't say or do something stupid. Maybe I'll feel better by the time Robb gets home.

Thanks for allowing me to bitch. Now I'ma go itch.


Monday, July 5, 2010

The Catcher in the Rye...

I just finished reading it for the first time ever.

Why can't all books be written like that? It's witty. In spots, it's downright hilarious. And it means something. I wish I'd have read it in high school. I'm surprised people read it in high school. It's not safe...clean...

It's just...real. Very real. And I would recommend it to anyone.


Thursday, July 1, 2010

All Kinds of Crazy...

Robb and I were in Target, and he just stops in the aisle on the way to get milk and starts laughing.  Shaking.  And pointing.  "Come here!" he managed to squeak through his laughter.

I walked back to where he'd stopped.  "What the heck are you laughing at?"

Look.  Look again.  Is that not the most adorable, mischievous little coffee pot you've ever seen?

It makes me wonder if it was intentional.  Who wouldn't want a coffee pot that looks like some kind of high-ranking religious official penguin with a single shiny flipper?  Oh man...and this is part of the reason I love him so damn much.  He has this way of making every day and every mindless chore into an adventure.

His car is currently in the shop because his cousin backed into it.  So we have a rental.  This rental has some odd buttons on the dash, such as this one:

Yes.  Cat Folder.  I'm just glad we didn't bring Marbles with...

In other news, after sushi last night we decided we'd try mochi ice cream.  We got green tea and mango.

It wasn't terrible, but the fondant-like covering over the balls was a little off-putting.  It's been dubbed "squishy stuff."

Lyndsay and Ben seem to be fascinated by it.  It was kind of silly putty.  If we'd have had a newspaper, we'd have tried to transfer ink onto it.  Instead, we ate it. 

And that's all the news that's fit to print.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Chicago Pride 2010...

Sunday, as you may know, was Pride.  At my neck of the woods it was.  Robb and I got up at the crack of 7 AM to get ready to leave, since we drove to Midway and took the Orange Line in.  It's proven to be the most reliable, and we swore off the Blue Line after being stuck two years in a row for almost an hour, which made us late to the parade.  But I digress.

You probably came to see photos.  I've got photos. 

(This is the part where I upload and hope they finish and give me enough time to do it before 9:30 when I have to start getting ready for work...*crosses fingers*)

Okay...I've got only a few minutes to do this, so...PRIDE MARATHON!

We got there, and it was POURING!  So, Robb bought an umbrella.  Immediately thereafter, it stopped.  So, yes, we are single-handedly responsible for stopping the rain, in case you were wondering.

We waited for an hour and a half for the parade to start.  Yeah...we got there early and there was already a big crowd.  Shortly thereafter, Dan (danlang) and Tyler showed up.  And shortly THEREafter, Jeremy (upandoutward) and Nick showed up.

The parade started, and the grand marshal was Chely Wright!  How's that for cultural relevance!

That was kind of fun.

The boys of ROTC.  Always a favorite.

We actually ended up dancing next to this angel guy later in the night at Roscoe's.  I had no idea I'd seen him before until I looked at my pictures.

Is that Marc Giangreco?  I think it might be...

Chipotle was back this year!  We got a BOGO coupon from them and a tiny little stuffed burrito.  How cute!

This was the saddest thing I saw all day, and that includes the fifty year old drag queens.  Her sign said "Two sons in love.  Only one can marry." 

The Windy City Cowboys?  Yes please!!!

We watched this apartment nearby with a keen interest.  They were having breakfast and getting ready to go out, getting dressed, wearing towels, etc.

You can see why.


Floats and floats...

The Miller Lite float always has some nice men.

There's my favorite bar's float.  Why's it my favorite?  It's the only bar in town I go to.  If you know me, that's a big statement.  I don't do bars, mostly.

I loved this guy's tattoo.  It's the Hyrulian Crest from Zelda. 

The Red Queen was there.  Down with the bloody big head!

Dan and I decided that the Corona guy was gorgeous.

And these boys?  They were...just...yum.  They were across from us in Minibar the whole time.  So...we watched them a lot.  I think I might have even gotten a video of that.  They switched out boys every half hour or was like a buffet!

The parade was three hours long, and I have 450 pictures. know...I left out a few things.  Jeremy and Nick split about 45 minutes from the end, and Tyler got us a table at Nookies right behind us just before the parade ended.  What a sweetie!

They're adorable.

We ate a meal that wasn't Nookie's best, which was kind of disappointing, but understandable, since they were SWWWWAAAAMMMMPPPEEEDDDD!!!  So...meh.  We wandered around and shopped.  We showed Dan and Tyler some of our favorite shops and just some stuff was laid back and fun.  Then they split and Jeremy came back to town.  We wandered around a little and ended up at The Center on Halsted.  There's a beautiful view of the skyline.


And then?  After a hassle involving a bag and a Papa Bear and Roscoe's staff, we were inside, people watching and having a good time! 

It was...pretty much friggin' amazing, as you can tell from Jeremy's face. 

All in all?  Good pride.  It was a different feeling form other years...a little less rowdy and a little more fun, honestly.  I think the rain scared some of the crazies away.  Either way, it was a blast, and I'm happy to have been able to finally meet Jeremy and Dan and their respective boyfriends.  How fun!


Sunday, June 27, 2010

Pride was amazing! I got to meet my bloggy-type friends Dan and Jeremy and their respective boyfriends, and we all hit the town up right! Time for bed...
Seriously, I'm in a novelty/porn store in Boystown and they're playing Jars of Clay. Err...what? just a reminder...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

What Tornado Sirens? I Just Need A Roll Of Quarters!

As many of you know, it was TERRIBLE here yesterday. Like, tornado siren bad! And where was I while the emergency broadcast system was repeating its mantra of "stay away from windows" and "get to a safe place" amidst the blaring of emergency sirens?

At work.

In front of a giant wall of windows.

In a building made at least 50% of glass.

And do you know why? Because of y'all! Well, not really you, my readers, but more like "you," the general "you." The public. The masses. The IDIOTS! Seriously!

I'm sorry, but if you have to shout over the sound of tornado sirens for me to hear you in the drive thru at the bank, you probably shouldn't be at the bank. Stay with me now, because this is a crazy, novel thought, but SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT HOME IN YOUR BASEMENT OR IN A CENTER ROOM?!

And more importantly, shouldn't you be NOT endangering MY safety by being AT THE BANK DURING A TORNADO?!

A FUCKING TORNADO! Like, "There goes another cow!" kind of shit! Seriously! Oh. My. GOD!

So while the radio is telling ME to seek safety, your stupid ass needs to get a roll of quarters. A ROLL OF QUARTERS! Seriously? Laundry, gumballs, and video games shouldn't be your highest priority when the tornado sirens are so loud I can't hear you!

And were we allowed to shut down the bank and get to safety? No. You know why? Because OUR CUSTOMERS NEVER STOPPED COMING! It may have even gotten busier while the siren was going. Seriously! I can't make this shit up!

I was so So SO angry! Like, kick-you-in-the-throat angry! Like, rage-filled!

And on top of that, I was hurt. Honestly. I felt like not only was I not taken care of as an employee in an emergency situation, but also not even considered human enough to deserve the decency of shelter in a some kind of soulless automaton. And it hurt!

It really did.


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Shut Up, Brain!

No, seriously. Shut up. Night after night I have been dreaming nonstop. And they're not even good dreams. Two nights ago I had tornado nightmares all night. Seriously ALL NIGHT. I can count at least four different nightmares from that night that I remember. Last night I dreamt about selling a checking account to a customer at work. It felt good, but I was worried about getting a referral onto the system before the guy got to my manager's office. I had several other dreams last night, although they're mostly fuzzy now.

But really...the whole night I'm having these vivid dreams that just go on and on and on. I wake up tired...especially if I'm dreaming about WORK. Ugh. Then I have that ten minute window where I go, "Wait...did that really happen yesterday or did I dream that last night?"

My routine hasn't changed. Maybe I'm just stressed...


Tuesday, June 22, 2010


It's coming!!!


Monday, June 21, 2010


Apparently my MacBook bliss has a few strings attached. Dang.

I have to be an employee of the bank for 60 days before I'm eligible. That makes sense, I guess. So, what did I do after I found that out? I got out my trusty calendar and I counted starting from May 11th, just to be safe (I started on the 10th). So...on July 9th I'll be eligible. I added an extra day to be, really, I guess I could order my new computer as early as the 12th of July, since I have to tell them what I want and wait for them to deposit the money into my account. They tell me that's pretty much immediate. And then? I order it from Apple and wait...

Free 24 hour shipping, though? Sweet.

It's currently I think I should probably go. Is it safe to shower during a lightning storm?


Sunday, June 20, 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Chastity Bono was a lesbian. Now he's Chaz. Does that mean he's straight?


It's like a taste a trip around the world in first class with people you love the most! It's like...oh my gosh. It's so friggin' good!

The texture made me want to just keep eating them over and over. Eww...that just grossed me out. I meant one right after the next. It's like...the perfect firmness and the perfect give, a little crunch, and a ton of flavor.

I got spicy crunchy tuna rolls, and our friends got snow crab rolls. Both were absolutely divine. The spicy mayo on our sushi was the perfect amount of spice, and the wasabi? Oh man...I could just EAT that stuff. Yum.

Needless to say, I was a happy camper. Happiest. Camper. EVER.


Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I got my hair cut yesterday on my lunch break. At work I had to wear it differently because I didn't have a comb or my own gel. I got so many compliments! A female stranger said my hair was "very precise". It is. I wouldn't have it any other way. Makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong every other day.

Marbles Kitty continuously cracks me up. When I sit up in the morning, he blobs out on my pillow, annexing it into his domain. Then, when I sit up, he moves down to take my side of the bed. This is how he gets me out of bed in the morning so he can more effectively bitch at me to feed him. Fatty kitty...

Today is sushi day. I've never had. I'm going with my awesome coworkers, one of which is relatively new to sushi, and one of which is a sushi guru. She is going to be Virgil to my Dante, ushering me through this strange new world of taste.

I pulled my groin. Do you know how often you use that muscle? Yesterday I limped around for half the day, and then I felt better. Robb and I took a walk, and everything was fine. This morning I wake up and try to roll over and there's a shooting pain in my groin. Awesome. Today it hurts even worse than it did yesterday. I think it's going to be a sitting kind of day today...yikes.

And currently, I'm having these odd chest pains. Woohoo.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Don't Get Around Much Anymore...

Work is eating my face...but in a totally good way!

I have an interview on Wednesday for the full time position in a different branch. It's sort of a bummer, because I love my coworkers and I'd hate to leave them. But I NEEEED the benefits. And I worked with a guy on Friday who works at the full time branch, and he was fun! So at least I'd know SOMEONE there. It would be weird not having a drive-up, though.


I've been at work, and when I haven't been at work Robb has been home. So we hang out and play games and whatnot, and I don't make time to blog. Or we go out and see a movie and I am not home to blog...

Speaking of...

We saw Prince of Persia on Wednesday. Or...Thursday? I don't know...anyway, we saw it. I have always been a fan of the games, so I knew I had to go see the movie. I also knew it would suck. So...I wasn't disappointed. Don't waste your time or money. It's not a good game adaptation (surprise), and it's not really that good of an action movie. It's about 45 minutes too long. And the biggest shame? Jake Gyllenhall is shirtless in exactly 2% of the movie. Yeah...not even much at all. I figured it would be at least worth it to see him running around half-naked for two hours...but...they couldn't even pull that off.

And Saturday night we went to see Shrek 4. I didn't have high expectations for this one, either, but it was actually way better than I expected it would be. I liked it, believe it or not! The storyline is forced, but it's pretty funny. Rumplestiltskin makes a pretty good (and creeeeepy) bad guy. He's no Fairy Godmother, but he's pretty good. It's nice to see a little bit of what might have been had the first Shrek not gone according to plan. But yeah...not genius or anything, and definitely the least good of the four movies. But it wasn't terrible.

So...there. An update, of sorts.


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Crisis averted. Apparently the power was out at our apartment for several hours. I'm glad I wasn't there!
It's about to storm like hell, and I'm in a building that's half glass...

Friday, June 11, 2010


And I'm not talking about this guy:

I'm talking about how Father Dave and I met and he asked me to be a board member for United Campus Ministries.  He said he values my opinion as a person with a student's perspective of the ministry, as a younger person than the other board members, but most importantly, as myself.

That meant a lot to me.  I don't think very highly of myself most of the time.  I'm clinically humble.  The humblest person ever!  EVER!  Or...not...

But honestly, I am not my own cheering section.  So to hear someone else tell me they value my input, my ideas, and my outlook is flattering.  So I told him I'd accept, tentatively.

I'm going to tell him that yes, definitely, I'd like to do this.  But I haven't yet.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I just saw Prince of Persia. For fans of the games, skip it. For fans of action movies, skip it. For fans of hilariously bad accents and mediocre plot...go!


Today I have a meeting with the pastor of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Sycamore. I don't know what it's about, but he says it has something to do with United Campus Ministries and it's good.

So...I'm nervous. Terrified would be a better word, honestly. I hate walking into situations I'm not sure of...or not prepared for. If he asks me to speak in public, I'd almost rather die. If he asks me to write something, I'd be thrilled.

It may be neither of those things. It may be both. I's just scary. I'm going to be nervous all day about this.


Sunday, June 6, 2010

A check that came through the bank today had a memo that read,"Grossery's". I threw up in my mouth.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Excerpt: "Peach moonshine is like a liquid finger down your throat."
Excerpts from tonight's party: "Jess, your pineapple squirted all over my arm!"

Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm on my way to work, and I just saw a truck that said, "Independent Laser Resale" on the back door. Is there really much call for stuff like that?

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Sunburned, headachey, a little queasy, but so happy we went! Shivering Timbers is a great coaster!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Not to mention a liquor store in town called "Package Liquor"...seriously...the GAYEST state in America!
Top it all off with Asian Buffet & Grill and a dip in the hot tub and you've got the makings of a delightfully eclectic and quirky day of random fun.
At our hotel of choice the keymaker is broken & the housekeeping staff just quit...but the lady at the front desk is super chipper! And our room's clean, so...
Ferryville? Fruitport? Is it just me or is Michigan the gayest state in our nation?
An excerpt: If he does have downs syndrome, he's the hottest downs syndrome patient I've ever seen!
I love the seven hundred billboards for Krazy Kaplan's Fireworks all down 294. I wouldn't buy fireworks from someone with "Krazy" in their name...
The boy and I are on our way to Saugatuck for the day...and then onward to Michigan's Adventure to ride some coasters tomorrow! Happy Memorial Day!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

The boy and I are headed off to Boystown for a night of fun! Roscoe's is our destination, and I hope we don't run into too big a leather crowd from IML...eek!

Friday, May 28, 2010

A Real Blog...

So, I think you know my job is part-time.  Again.  I was looking for full time, and I would have held out for that if I had been getting unemployment. know that story.

A full time position just opened up at another branch close by.  I love my branch because it's close to the apartment, and I love my coworkers because they're pretty much awesome.  But I applied.  After having my boss at my last job tell me (after two years) that he thought I was okay with being part time (I'd been vocal about being full time fairly often during my time there), I'm determined that they know I want to be full time.  No repeats!

So, promotion is usually from within, and usually on a  Needless to say, I'm fairly low on that totem pole.  But who knows!  Perhaps by this time next month I could be working full time (and then I'd have benefits AND be eligible for marriage)!

I mean...I certainly look the part, right?




Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Hot Hot Hot...

It's about a million and twelve degrees in the bedroom right now...

The AC is blaring in the living room, and all the fans are on. Is it cooling off? No.

So...I'm going to pass on spending any more time in front of this computer in the mouth of our residential volcano.

You lose.


Monday, May 24, 2010


I'm taking a weekend from my weekend.

Two weddings and much, much riding around in a car.

I've had a headache for four days, and I NEVER have headaches. Something is obviously wrong, but I have no clue what it could be. So I just keep taking ibuprofen and drinking lots of water.

Other than that, I don't have anything to say.

It's hot.


Thursday, May 20, 2010


So, some of you might know that the town in which I live is the town where a certain supermodel grew up.

My old boss went to high school with her and said she was pretty and smart and athletic...all those things that make you want to grind a person's face in the dirt because they're so friggin' perfect!  Or is that just me?

Anywho...Tuesday's meeting was pretty standard (as if I've ever been to a business meeting...), talking about profits and bonuses and new products, etc. etc. etc.  This woman stands up to receive an award for bringing in a huge customer.  I think to myself, "She looks kind of severe...and orange."

The next day we're talking about the meeting, and the woman who is training me says, "You know that's Cindy Crawford's mother, right?"

No joke!  I totally bashed Cindy Crawford's mother in my head...whoops!

Apparently I work with Cindy Crawford's about that?


Monday, May 17, 2010

Wearing a Tie...

[insert photo of me in a tie which I can't seem to find and might not actually have here]

So, I've been conducting an experiment since I started job hunting. Whenever I'm out and I'm wearing a tie, I pay close attention to how I'm treated. It's extremely interesting, when compared to how the same people treat me when I'm wearing street clothes.

Now that I'm wearing a tie to work every day, I've been being treated SO MUCH BETTER by everyone around me. It makes me want to wear a tie everywhere I go. Service is better. People are more polite. And best of all, I feel like a million bucks!

And here I thought wearing a tie every day would make me feel like a tool. Guess not!


Sunday, May 16, 2010

I just mistook a Live song for Melissa Ethridge...whoops. "The Dolphin's Cry" sounds a lot like her, you have to admit!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Two minutes from Banana Republic I realized I left my $25 shop card (the whole reason for going) at 2...

Friday, May 14, 2010


Our bank abbreviates everything, apparently.  So everyone was talking about CAD.  And I was like, "Computer Aided Drafting?"

No, no, no.

Customer Appreciation Day!  It's the second Friday of each month, and we provide breakfast, lunch, and a snack in the afternoon.  It's apparently quite a spread! 

They keep telling me how well this bank feeds its employees (and customers) sounds too good to be true!  Anywho, I'm skipping breakfast at home in favor of having something there.  Oh, and I get to attend my first sales meeting today...sort of as a fly on the wall, just to see how it works. 

So it should be interesting...and tonight?  I'm going to see Andy Davis with my friend Sabrina on her birthday!  We try to see him every time he comes to Chicago.  Check him out:

He's awesome...and kind of hot.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

An Hour?!

Mark this down, folks. This may be the only time in my life I get an hour-long lunch break! The woman who is training me had a meeting, so she took an hour. So...I had the option of taking an hour at home, too. Thinking I might never see this opportunity again, I took it!


Now I'm just looking for a way to spend this hour...I already ate. It took me about seven minutes.

*twiddles thumbs*

Where's the cat?


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Second Day Approacheth...

I get to actually start working today. Well, training...

Last night Robb laughed at me about my pants until he couldn't breathe, and then we went to buy new pants. They're not nearly as cute as the old ones, but they don't have holes where there shouldn't be holes, so...that's good. Pray that my outfit today has no major snafus.

Black shirt, grey pants, lavender tie...that I almost threw across the room last night after working on getting it tied for almost an hour. Ugh. I keep thinking I'll get better with practice, but it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I have to tie them the night before I wear them, otherwise I'd probably be late for work trying to get them to come out right.


Well, after working all day yesterday (read: riding around in a car all day, going to lunch, and signing some papers) I was surprisingly exhausted. Drained. And today? On my feet all day. Seven hours. It's funny how quickly your body adapts to doing NOTHING all day.

Wish me luck.