Whoa. Things change.
The old is new,
The tried and true
has disappeared in favor if this--
that confronts me this morning.
Guess I shouldn't have stayed away
staid my hand
stained my already imperfect track record.
But here I sit,
ass sticking to this damn chair that
Because that precludes getting a new one.
Out with the old, I say.
Or do I?
Great for me. I had maintenance here to fix the toilet (not a euphemism), and when they left to go get a piece they didn't have, they locked the deadbolt AND the doorknob lock. He told me he would be "right back". Now, we NEVER lock the doorknob lock. So...the local florist showed up with flowers from my man, and when I went out to sign for them, I let the door shut behind me so the cat wouldn't get out.
I spent the next two hours in the hallway wondering when the hell the maintenance man would be back. Our rental office opens at 11 AM, so I couldn't call until then. I waited for my handyman to show back up...and finally I asked someone who was checking the mail what time it was. 11:20. I knocked on a neighbor's door, and she gave me guff because she was in her pajamas (like I care). She let me use her phone, though.
So...I called, and they wanted to charge me $30 to get back in, even though maintenance was coming back. I told them no. "It's my birthday, and this is ridiculous. I wouldn't be locked out if he hadn't locked me in when he left. I had no idea they even DID that." So they decided they wouldn't charge me THIS TIME.
Small graces. And now my whole morning has been wasted, and I'm way behind plans today...so...yeah. I'm gonna take some deep breaths (or a glass of wine or something)...and then I'm going to get started on this day and hope it stops sucking.
It was Ash Wednesday, and I got the "From dust you have come, to dust you shall return" ashes--
(Oddly enough, Dust in the Wind by Kansas is playing right now!)
Afterward, I went to my gas station of choice--the local Shell--which is run by an Indian family. The guy behind the counter said, "What is on your forehead?" "It's Ash Wednesday," I said. "Ohhh. Ash Wednesday!" [pause] "What's Ash Wednesday?" I laughed to myself and explained that Ash Wednesday is the day that starts the 40 day period known as Lent, a time of reflection and mourning that ends with Easter. He looks at me and goes, "Oh." [pause] I could tell he didn't really understand, but he didn't want to ask any more questions.
I didn't want to say, "It's a Christian thing" because I was afraid I would sound like I was saying, "You're not Christian, you wouldn't understand." I just said, "It's kind of a Lutheran thing..." which isn't really all that true.
He just said, "Have a good day."
I still don't think he understood, but I was amused that he asked.
Anywho...it got me thinking. Why was I afraid to say it was a Christian thing? Are we so afraid of offending someone that we don't even want to talk about what we know? And I'm not talking about Christians. I mean everyone, people in general. Is it just me? Am I just so scared of making someone feel stupid or left out or marginalized that I don't want to tell them what I know or compliment them?
Like at work--
I always appreciate when a customer's deposits are correct. And after a while, I like to tell them that. Except, last week I went to say it and stopped. Why? Asian. And before that? Jew.
Why am I so scared of someone thinking I'm stereotyping them?
So, this might be kind of gross. I'll just apologize in advance. I'm sorry.
A few days ago I was itching my neck/shoulder area, and I nicked this skin tag I have...just a little nub that sticks out about two millimeters...not like an extra head or anything. Anywho, it bled. So I washed it, kept an eye on it...took it easy. My desire was to just grab it and yank, just to get it off of me. But...eww. And oww. I didn't feel like mopping up blood, so I let it be.
Well...it was there yesterday.
*scans the carpet, yesterday's outfit, and the bed for blood or escaped nubbins*
No idea what happened to it. Apparently I didn't need it that much...and it never bled. Or...it bled so little that I missed it. I'm just a little amazed that a part of me can just go missing without my notice. I imagine this must be what people who swallow a loose tooth feel like.
I think maybe this day should be Blarglentine's Day, officially. It's the day when you go, "Blarg...what do I do for my Valentine?" or maybe even, "Blarg...where will I find a Valentine?" or perhaps just, "Blarg..."
Any way you slice it, tons of drama this time of year. Thank God none of it is mine currently. Hooray for that!
So, I joined an eight week writing group this week. It should be a god time! It certainly will help me with my "create something every day" resolution! They already booted one member, because he was being a dick face. e hadn't even started, and he was already posting about how he wanted this to be a serious group, no prompts like "find the third word in the third line and blah blah blah..." and no bad attempt at poetry, no crappy pieces...he wanted to read REAL WRITING! Whatever. Dick face. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who felt like he was being a gigantic tool. And now we don't have to work with him. Thank God.
The sad thing is, he used to be a nice guy, a good guy, someone who seemed to me to be compassionate and caring, a creative type with a lot going on for him. And through my time in the past working with him, I realized that he's not really that at all. He's an arrogant asshole who is only concerned with looking better than everyone else. Unfortunately, he just ends up looking like a gigantic assface.
Ask me how I really feel.
Anywho...back to the issue at hand: Blarglentine's Day. I actually have a plan this year. I'm going to see the boy at work. We'll go out for lunch. I'll take the train in. ADVENTURE TIME! But...first I have to go to work today and survive the Monday mash. That's where I get so frustrated I mash my face into my keyboard at work. It's pretty cathartic. Maybe not sanitary, though.
I discovered Moscato a few years ago. I love it. I mean, what's not to love about a sweet, sparkly, white wine? Well, apparently they make a red version. They being Beringer. And while I don't really care for Beringer's Moscato, their Red Moscato is delicious!
It even makes doing the dishes fun.
I will apologize for my absence. I feel like I've been doing that a lot, and that is a trend I have noticed with blogs that are going off the air. You get four posts that apologize for not posting, and then poof. Gone. Vanished.
Well...most of y'all are friends with me on Facebook, and anyone who isn't can ask me and I'll gladly tell you where to find me.
That's not to say that my blog is going anywhere...but...as you can see...it't not exactly going anywhere. Funny how that phrase can mean two entirely different things. What to do...what to do.
I made a resolution to create something every day. I've been writing, drawing, taking photos, and all kinds of fun stuff. And I've only missed a few days. Yesterday I didn't write or draw or anything...but I made a chocolate chip cheesecake, so that's something. I brought it to work, where there were already slutty brownies, a coffee cake, a birthday cake, caramel apple boats, BLT dip, macaroni and cheese, and cocktail weenies. Whoa. And if my tongue weren't so damned burned, I'd have enjoyed a little more. Maybe it's a good thing. I've been a fatty recently...eating anything and everything that passes under my face. But I've been keeping to my resolution of working out every day, so its not all bad. But maybe not eating sweets every day would be good for me. Clearly.
I haven't weighed myself in months. I'm scared to. But hey, my upper body looks better than it has in a year, so there's that. Perhaps cake isn't so bad.
Anywho...enough tipsy rambling. I love you all and I don't want to leave you. I just wish I had more to say to y'all.
I don't feel like it's worth it to blog about my new chapstick or finally having some money for the first time since November began. Other than that, though...we finally got some snow. Winter is here, although who knows for how long. With our luck, probably until June. But...anywho...
Anyone want to peek at my playlist?
A to Z:
A. Anonanimal - Andrew Bird
B. Ballroom Blitz - Sweet
C. Change - Blind Melon
D. Dust in the Wind - Kansas
E. Electric Twist - A Fine Frenzy
F. Fat Bottom Girls - Queen
G. Gold Dust Woman - Fleetwood Mac
H. Hate on Me - Glee Cast
I. If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz
J. Jumper - Third Eye Blind
K. Keep Young and Beautiful - Annie Lennox
L. Let's Get on a Plane Today - Planning the Rebellion
M. Mercy on Me - Christina Aguilera
N. Not About Love - Fiona Apple
O. Our Finest Hour - Philmore
P. Pull Shapes - The Pipettes
Q. Quicksilver - Roper
R. Rumor Has It - Adele
S. Shattered - Rolling Stones
T. Tonight - Cazwell
U. Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
V. Voodoo Doll - Fergie
W. Wallet - Regina Spektor
X. X-Ray - John Reuben
Y. Yummy - Gwen Stefani
Z. Zak and Sara - Ben Folds
This might be my favorite playlist ever...It's such a shame that it won't fit on a CD, or I would listen to it CONSTANTLY in the car. That's where I do my heavy listening. My best listening happens in the car. It always has. Some day I'm going to write about all the amazing listening that has gone on in cars...
Despite having no interest whatsoever in cars past making sure they run, a surprisingly hefty chunk of important conversations have taken place in cars. They're my temple, I think...the place where I work out problems, confess, and scrape up the ruins before driving home to start building again.
It's 2012. This could be our last year on Earth. I highly doubt that it is, but you know there's that little voice at the back of my head that says "What if?" It's always there. It always asks the same two word question about every situation every day. I mostly ignore it, but...you know.
Anywho, what do people do at the start of the year? They reminisce!
Last year started pretty rockily. I wasn't sure about a lot of major things in my life, but they all tended to work themselves out. Who am I kidding? I worked them out. I need the credit for that. So there. Through heartache and drama, we've come a long way. We took a road trip to Virginia, saw some great friends, went to the gay rodeo, hosted some parties...I read some great books and lots of poetry...Hell, I read Infinite Jest, a feat I'm coming to realize is something that a lot of people don't make it through. So that's cool. And the year ended beautifully!
What else do people do at the start of a year? They set some goals!
Well, I have three.
1. Work out every day. So far, so good.
2. Write every day, or every week day...or at least create something every day. It's time to be more creative. So far? Well...I missed the first two days, but things have only gone well from there on out. There are some books I'd like to get to help me along in this endeavor. Maybe if I ever get out from under this Christmas-induced poverty, I'll buy them!
3. Don't be afraid to try new things. This one should really read something like, "Don't be so attached to the old things that you don't even consider taking a chance on something new." So far? Well...I tried some new menu items. I think I'd like to try some new recipes (Robb's doing a backflip reading that, I'm sure). And I have a new hair style. And as soon as I can get a picture of it, I will share it here.
That's one good thing about the iPhone! I have a working camera again! And I can actually share photos now!!!
So...here's to 2012 being the best year ever--even if it is the last!
Thus far I've graduated college with an English degree (read: I work in a bank), come out to friends and family (read: I'm gay), accompanied my boyfriend of seven years to all kinds of sweet events (read: I'm taken), and managed not to make too many enemies in the whole process. Life is...