Monday, November 30, 2009

Just FYI:

Some of our customers have really nice butts.

That is all.


Saturday, November 28, 2009

It Is Finished...

I just wanted to say...

And also...

Oh, and...

Just in case you were wondering.  It ended up being 50,709 words by the NaNo counter and 50,736 words by the Microsoft Word counter.  I think there's another chapter to be written, but I'm done.  It'll have to wait for the rewrite.

Happy noveling to everyone who is finishing.  I'll see you at the finish line!


Friday, November 27, 2009


You'd be surprised how dead the bank is the day after Thanksgiving. I figured it would be so busy with people cashing checks and taking out money for sales. Instead, it's just slow.

Thanksgiving with the boy and my family was wonderful, and if I weren't at work, I'd have a smile plastered on my face from pie and wine and homemeade chocolate chip cheesecake (I made it--first time ever. It was soooo easy; have I mentioned this already?) and cranberry stuffing. Oh man. Good food and good times. Playing New Super Mario Bros Wii with Robb and my sister made for a fun, curse-filled evening.

And now I am fat on chocolate cream pie and turkey. Or...I will be once I get to go home for lunch. Damn late employees slowing me down from taking my lunch. BAH!

But even that can't keep the smile off my face.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving...

...from our resident turkey!

What are you thankful for?


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

San Diego By Way of Alberta...

It's dream time here on Viewtiful_Justin, and have I got a doozy for you today!

I dreamt that I was going to San Diego to visit my Uncle Howard. Pretty tame. But the night before I was supposed to leave, I realized we had a layover in Alberta, Canada. And I had no passport, but they assured me that if I wasn't getting off the plane and actually stepping on Canadian soil, I would be fine.

So I flew Southwest Airlines (my carrier of choice in real life--they take good care of the gays and they don't charge for, their prices are impossible to beat). And I met this really nice older woman on the plane, big hair, big glasses, big front butt. She was so sweet, though. And I informed her that this plane was making a stop in Alberta. She said she knew that, since she bought a ticket, too, and that's where she was getting off.

I am an idiot, even in my dreams.

And then I think I fell asleep because the next thing I recall was getting out of the airport at San Diego. The ocean was washing up right against the doors to the airport, and I had to wade to the parking lot past a fat little black girl who was adorable and kept asking me my name. She asked her mother to bring her her voodoo doll, because I wouldn't tell her my name. So I ran. And right when I was about to call my Uncle Howard to let him know I was in town, he showed up.

Except he was 1980s Uncle with the long hair and the bad teeth and the whole nine yards. And we walked to where he had the car. I saw a guy carrying a jug of water and I shouted, "Hey, Nick!" because, as I explained to my uncle, every water guy is called Nick.

And it turned out to be MY Water Guy...Nick. He was in San Diego for something...and I got in his hoopty van that was full of junk, and rode off with him. We were talking about whether or not he liked his job. He told me he loved it. He seemed really happy and we were just chatting, and then we pull up to a stop light and our faces are really close (since the only place to sit was on the folded up back seat right behind his seat), and he kissed me.

It was awesome. And I was like, "Well alright then. That answers that question." And then we went to this hotel room. He kept trying to find out when he could nail me, and I was unavailable. I couldn't do it right then because of medical reasons or something...and this girl was in the room.

She was gorgeous! Wavy brown hair and a model's body, great smile, long legs, etc. And she says to the Water Guy, she says, "I want some honey, too!" as we're making out. So he gets a bottle of honey and startes dribbling it all over her, and the girl screams and runs away and is like, "That's not what I meant, bastard!" And so they're fighting and wrestling all in good fun, like they're siblings or something.

And then my Uncle comes in and I'm all naked and covered myself with a blanket. He's like, "Are you guys doing the dirty-dirty in here?" And I said no. Because, we really weren't. And then he left and I woke up...I think.

Weird. I told Robb about it this morning. He laughed really hard at the fat little black girl who wanted her voodoo doll. I am ridiculous when I'm asleep. Here's proof.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Three Thousand, Nine Hundred Ninety-Three...

Yes. That is how many words I need to write before it's all done. And really, it's more like 3,991 because the last two could be "The End." Although, really...that's tacky.

I think the story is going to go one longer than those last four thousand-ish words. They've still got to break the last four disciples out of their prison island and get out of Hell right proper.

That's...going to take some doing in 4,000 words.

Anywho...I am going to kick back and take it easy for the holidays. I work the day before and the day after (which is a drag, since they promised me one or the other off--goes to show you what a promise from your boss is worth). But on Thanksgiving I'll finally get to spend a holiday with the boy. We never get to spend them together, because he's usually off with his family or working at the ski hill...which is open on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.


But I get to spend Thanksgiving with him at my mom's house. And that means more to me than anything else. It even makes me smile despite the fact that we might get snow that day.

What else am I thankful for?

My health,
New Super Mario Bros Wii (which is the most fun I've ever had with my clothes on),
My Marbles Kitty,
The Boy,
and being so close to finishing this novel I can taste it!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I certainly hope yours is festive.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Clean House...

I retain an inherent distrust for people whose houses are so clean, they could go on the market at any time. 

You know what I'm talking about.  No fingerprints on the walls.  Nothing personal out ANYWHERE.  Glossy floors, eerily perfect furniture.  Yes.  THOSE people.

What have they done that is so bad that they are constantly worried they'll have to sell their house and get out of town without having time to clean?  No thank you.  I can't settle in with people who can't settle in.  Give me this, any day.

Well, okay...maybe that's a bit extreme.  How about...this?

Coffee stains?  Yes, please.  Dirty dishes?  Even better.  Rumpled blankets on furniture?  A lack of throw pillows?  All fine with me!  These are my people.  They will not be skipping town any time soon.  I would be completely comfortable around them. 

But that scary, guest-bathroom-no-one-uses, Realtor-ready stuff creeps me right-the-heck out!  Am I the only one? I'm just procrastinating the inevitable writing session for the day...DON'T WANNA!


Monday, November 16, 2009

Cruel Fate...

I woke up with a sore throat. It turned to achy neck and back. Now I'm so cold I can't stand it. And I have to leave for work in 18 minutes. I am sick.

Let's hope it's not the flu. And if it is, let's hope it's not of the porcine variety, although I probably deserve it for laughing at fate a few weeks ago. She gave someone I no longer care for swine flu. We won't name names.

As it went with the chicken pox, when we made fun of the neighbor girls, twins, calling them "chicken pock pie" and generally being horrid boys. We caught it from them. Surprise, surprise. And then my older brother and I were the target of much ridicule.

"History repeats itself, and time flows like a river."

If you can tell me where the quote is from without googling it, you're my new best friend.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

My Favorite Wine Buddy...

Merlot, Riesling, Moscato.
In a tumbler, a wine glass--
The vessel doesn't matter
And neither does the wine,
It's the company.
Isn't that what drinking is about?
Company? Camaraderie? Connversation?
A warmth from inside,
Whether heart or drink,
That lasts past the hurt?

My favorite wine buddy,
And there are several
From which to choose,
Is my mother.

That is, until she falls asleep.


Thursday, November 12, 2009

Over The Hill...

Yesterday I crossed the halfway point. There is no going back. There will be a novel this year. It might be silly and odd and maybe a little sacrilegious (but not really...I don't dispute or change the character of Christ), but it's SO FUN TO WRITE!

And after I crossed the halfway point, we loaded up in the car, got drugs for various instances of bizarre medical weirdness, and went into the city. Hooray for good friends and great food! And thrift shopping. We decided to put a two dollar limit on ourselves and try to find the ugliest, tackiest, never-going-in-my-house thing we could find. We're going to exchange them at Christmas. So fun!

We ran into an old friend of Robb's from a porn Boystown of Chicago...buying lube. How strange. And really, it was more of a novelty shop than a porn shop. But how odd is that?! I swear we could fly to the moon (possibly with Jesus) and run into someone we know.

And then Robb packed. This morning he left for a week to visit his bro in Albuquerque. And my medical weirdness is going away. Thank God for that. Let's never speak of it again.

Today? I'm going to work all day. Boo. But I might have time catch up with y'all later tonight after I get done writing for the day.

Have a great one! Who knows...maybe you'll run into a cute long-lost friend in a porn shop in the gay district of your city.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Am A Robot...

I just thought I should let you all know that I am a robot. Seriously.

I wrote this morning. And I wrote. And I wrote. And when I thought I was close enough to 25,000 to quit for the day, I wrote just a little bit more, adding three more words to be at an even 23,400 words. And then I did the math.

I wrote 4,200 words this morning. What? I went back and did my math again, sure that I couldn't possibly have written so much in one sitting. I added, I subtracted. I stood agape. What? I seriously wrote 4200 words in one sitting. From 10 until 1. Wow.

Hate me. Loathe me. Despise me.

I love me right now.


Monday, November 9, 2009


After a somewhat disappointing weekend (word count-wise), I am just over 17,000. If write my arse off today, I can be over 20,000. That would be nice. I dont think I have time for that, but it would be nice.

In other news, I am experiencing some somewhat bizarre medical ickiness that I'd rather not go into detail about...but it's been a week and when I thought it was getting better, it just seemed to revert to day one. I'm really not happy about this and I can't afford to go to a doctor to get it checked out.

Meanwhile, I have a tooth that's arguing with me about what I'm eating. And no money for that.

Luckily, I'm too busy writing this month to go spend money (in theory), so I guess I'm saving...sort of. My last paycheck was so small there really wasn't much to save. Blah.

On a positive note, however, I'm excited to be spending Wednesday in the city with the boy and some friends. I love it that I work at a bank and they all work at libraries or have government jobs. Hooray for days off. Let's just hope I'm up for walking all day...


Friday, November 6, 2009


Tomorrow I'll be over 15,000 words. Woot. It's effortless at this point. Okay, not true. Today was hard and my butt hurts from sitting so much.

But I'm almost 4,000 ahead. I could skip this weekend entirely and be fine.

I won't, because I'm a creature of habit, but I could.

Yes. I am bragging. It's the one time a year I get to.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Stranger than Fiction...

So...I was flipping through our campus newspaper the other day and I came across something in the police blotter that I absolutely had to share. It's hysterical! (Okay, the story itself is not hysterical...but the coincidence within is golden.)

Elgin man found guilty of sexual assault with 2 underage males

The Associated Press
St. Charles
| An elgin man has been found guilty of having sexual contact with two underage boys.
Michael Jackson was convicted Monday of two counts of predatory criminal sexual assault and one count aggravated criminal sexual abuse. Jackson waived his right to a jury trial and had his case heard before Kane County Circuit Judge Timothy Q. Sheldon.
According to prosecutors, the 32-year-old Jackson had sexual contact with two boys under 13 years from June 2004 and December 2006. Authorities say Jackson knew the boys.
Sheldon set a Dec. 10 sentencing date for Jackson, who is being held in the Kane County Jail.


I can't make this shit up!


Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I am one fifth of the way done. Ten thousand words. In four days. How crazy is that? It's super uncommon for me to be so far ahead...but here I am.

It would explain my absence.

Jesus and Co. were in a jam and needed my slugs and lobster people and Pharisees...blah. It's all so difficult to surmount...especially when the inferno ivy keeps hunting you.

Yeah...anywho. I'm having fun with this one. It's silly and light. WAY better than last year...last year was SOOOOOOO depressing.

Hooray for NaNoWriMo and my lovely writing group. I can't wait to see them all on Sunday.

In other news...


Monday, November 2, 2009

It Begins...

Here I am, two days in.

On Halloween I went to a party with my writing friends. At midnight it was officially November 1st. We broke out our laptops (or notebook and pencil if you're lame like me and don't have a laptop) and wrote. I managed 809 words. Then we got to gether at noon until 3 for our actual write-in and I managed 1700ish words total. I went home and typed it all up, expanded a bit, etc. It was 3206 words.

At the end of the day today I made it to 5075 words. I'm one tenth of the way there.