Tuesday, September 28, 2010

That Was Unexpected...

I had an appointment with a dentist today at 10:30. I made the appointment yesterday. I didn't expect that would happen so fast.

I went in, and they told me they'd just be looking at my teeth and getting an idea of my overall dental health and creating a treatment plan so I could see what I was getting myself into. So, they poked and prodded and counted and remarked. Yes, I'm missing two teeth. No, that half-tooth in the back doesn't bother me now and has never hurt. Yes, I know I should floss.

And then they found something...

They kept referring to it as a "microdent." He said it's not a baby tooth. It's just...a tiny tooth that is extra and had lodged itself between to other teeth, just for funsies. So, since I'm apparently such an anomaly, he called in the hygienists and they all "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed and "that's really weird"ed over my mouth. And then we moved on. I wondered what he thought of it, how common it is, and what they were planning on doing about it...but we moved on. The hardest part of being at the dentists was not being able to talk and ask questions when I wanted to.


He decided we should start with the upper left part of my mouth, around where I had my first tooth pulled. There were cavities in the teeth next to it and one other. He said I'd need my wisdom teeth removed. And they wanted to talk to me about getting implants where those two teeth were removed.

And then they told me that the upper left section of my mouth they could do today. So...I panicked. I wanted out, somehow. I've never had a cavity filled. I've never had much dental work at all done. And they wanted to just...get right to it. I wondered aloud if I'd be okay. They assured me that if I'd had a tooth pulled, I'd be okay. Except...the dental hygienist said that I'd "just be awake for this procedure." When I told them I was awake for the extractions, they all jumped back and were like, "Oh, honey, then this is going to be a cake walk."

And I explained to them my fear of needles, and they numbed my gums up with a swab...and another swab...and a third. And I didn't see or feel the needle. I just...closed my eyes and let them work. And before I knew it, I was getting drilled and filled.

And not in the good way.

I didn't expect it would happen so fast.

But there was no pain--just a lot of water and noise. I don't hate the sound of a dental drill. I do hate having to keep my mouth open so long. Ouch. My jaw is sore...

But I have three fillings now, and...that's good. Next Tuesday I get to have the lower left done. Maybe I'll be able to eat by then...


Saturday, September 25, 2010

I was just told that my teeth hurt because the dentist is the only person whose tool I'm afraid to put in my mouth.

Friday, September 24, 2010

"Turn the Beat Around" is officially my jam.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Poem No One Will Read...


Open that drawer and dump its contents
into a big black bag.
Deposit your dreams, childish things, urges
into that empty drawer.
Pretend you don’t want, don’t hurt with desire,
Grow up, wear a tie, pay your bills.
And whenever you feel the urge to peek
into that drawer of taboos,



Tuesday, September 21, 2010


*ahem*  Mrow.  Is this thing on?  

Oh, good.  Listen.  Mom stepped out for a minute...maybe he's bringing me food?  Hi.  I'm Marbles.  You might know me as the fat kitty in the chair.  I think that's what Mom calls me.  Mrow.  I'm a little hungry.  Does anyone have some food?  I don't want--wait...was that a wrapper crinkling?  Oh, no...just my tail brushing some junk off the bed.  Why do they put all their stuff on the best places to sit?  The food room table is always cluttered.  Behind the picture box thingy is full of cords, and whenever I get on the counter where all the delicious dishes are, they both yell at me.  Mom wakes up from a sound sleep if she hears me get up there.  It's how I get him out of bed some mornings when I can't find his glasses to chew on.  

What was I going to say?  Oh, right.  Food.  Does anyone have any food I could have?  As you can see, I'm wasting away to nothing.  A kitty needs his strength, and I'm almost too tired to yowl at the top of my lungs and race around the house today.  Mom doesn't appreciate my singing, especially when she's asleep.  But as long as I stay an arm's length away from him, then I can do whatever I want.  Then he calls me naughty kitty and sends Dad after me.  

And Dad...oh man...he flips me over and rubs my belly.  He puts me on his shoulders to ride around.  He pries my lips apart and looks at my "little teefers," whatever those are.  But he gives me cheese...so I let him.  I bite Mom when Mom does it, because he's always telling Dad to stop giving me food, since I'm so fat.  It's muscle, I swear!  I just wish it wasn't so hard to clean my belly and feet.  I lick and lick and lick, and then I'm all out of breath so I sigh.  Mom laughs at me.  Dad starts cooing and picks me up to rub my belly that I JUST CLEANED!

It's hard living with Mom and Dad...especially when I'm so hungry all the time.  Does anyone have any food?

How does Mom usually end these things?


Monday, September 20, 2010


I was going to post a video blog. YouTube ate it. So...there's that.

It's my mom's birthday today. I'ma call her.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Flashing ComEd...

This morning I woke up, as I tend to do when I don't open at work, at around 8:30. If you've been reading my blog for the past few years, you probably already know what I wear to bed. If you don't, let me clue you in: not a thing. So, this morning, I rolled out of bed, opened the blinds in the living room and kitchen, like I normally do, and went in to the bathroom.

Now, you may be wondering why a naked man would open his blinds every morning BEFORE getting dressed. Well, we live on he second floor. Out the back bedroom windows is the yard. Our back yard is a retention area with only one-story homes around it. And across the street out the front windows are more one story homes. Unless someone is climbing a tree in our back yard or climbing up a ladder (which has happened with maintenance...), no one is going to see in.

Or so I thought.

So, I come out from the bathroom and go strolling in to the living room, and what do I see? Apparently a Com Ed truck has rolled up while I was in there. So...bucket truck out the window. I walked to the kitchen. There was a SECOND truck out THAT window. And then I retreated to the bedroom where I could be sure not to bee seen...and if I were wearing pants, I might have crapped in them. There was a THIRD truck IN OUR FREAKING PARKING LOT! So. All the blinds are open. There are bucket trucks outside of every window. And I'm naked.

What a bright morning this is turning out to be...let me creep to the closet and put on some pants...


Monday, September 13, 2010


Have you ever worked on something for so long that you kind of forgot why?

I've been compiling a playlist. When did I start? Oh...January, maybe? Perhaps earlier. And last night I was looking through my music and thinking to myself, "What the hell did I want to say in this list? Was it sexy or regretful? And...why?"

But now I've compiled enough songs that I might have to finish it. Not to mention that I'm basically hard-wired to listen for songs that might fit it after more than six months of doing just that. Everything on the radio, everything on my computer, every movie I watch, every music video someone links to...it all just goes into a little machine in my head that weighs the lyrics against a set of feelings. Do they match? No. On to the next one. Do they match? Maybe. It goes on the maybe list. There aren't very many yes songs. I think I've got six, maybe...

But I've been doing it for so long that last night I got confused...I think the story I'm trying to tell with the songs got a little muddied after being stirred so long.

And no. I'm not sharing the list just yet. Maybe once I decide on an actual title. Right now it's called Tanis Judique, which doesn't probably mean anything to any of you. It may end up being the name I choose, but...maybe not.

Anywho, that's what has been on my mind lately. I think I need a break from thinking about it.


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Waitwaitwait...I'm WHAT?!

Sometimes when I'm talking about my plans for the next week or so, I'm stopped cold by the thought that I don't even know who I am anymore. Take today, for instance.

What do I have to do today? Oh, you know, get a haircut, buy some more Burt's Bees, maybe stop in at work to see Dorothy's new suit, go to my first church board meeting, eat some cornbread...


Board meeting?

I know, I know. Who are you? You're the guy who hates church politics and is uncomfortable meeting new people. You're the guy whose mom left every church she ever attended (except the one she's at now) because of board members and expectations and everything that makes a church more a business than a refuge for people who just want to love the world. Yeah...that guy.

But...you're a BOARD MEMBER?

Well, I was asked to be. United Campus Ministries wanted the viewpoint of someone like me...or, more specifically, of me. I'm a townie. I go to Lutheran Campus Ministries on Wednesday nights. I go to United Church of Christ on Sundays when I'm not at work. I'm a twenty-something for a few more years. And I'm gay. So...I'm at least a little bit unique. They didn't point any of that stuff out when they asked me to be a board member. They just said they wanted me. And, I was honored. So...

Today is the first meeting. I have no idea what to expect. I assume we'll get to know each other, talk about the budget, discuss a trip that we plan on sponsoring, and go home. But, honestly, I have no idea. I've never been on a board of any kind. I don't know if I've ever held any position of authority before...at least not OFFICIALLY.

So. Yeah...It's safe to say that I'm nervous. But I can't worry about that at the moment. I need to get my hair cut...


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Longer Weekends, Please!

So, I got a three-day weekend. I know...it's rare for me, too. But I did. And into that weekend we packed a wedding, church, writing group, a baseball game, and a meal at my mom's house. It was a full weekend!

Through it all I was fighting. Relentlessly. With an inanimate object.

At one point, I almost threw my camera out the window of the car as we crossed over a bridge outside of Peoria. My arm was drawn back, the memory card was in my hand, and I was ready to throw. They talked me out of it.

Every time I turn it on, there's a zoom error. If I pinch the front of the camera and turn it on, it's fine. And sometimes it zooms but doesn't re-focus. And sometimes it doesn't zoom at all, even though the display is telling me it's zoomed. And sometimes, rarely, it works just fine and gives me beautiful, perfect photos.

Key word: rarely.

So, yeah...I'm ready for a new one, but on my list of things that are more important are my teeth, an iPod touch, and, of course, my bills. The odds of getting a new camera before Christmas? Not bloody likely.


Saturday, September 4, 2010

My friend Jenni describes pregnancy: you have to be on your best behavior, and even then you may end up with your head in the toilet.

Friday, September 3, 2010

School Memories?

I couldn't see the front of the classroom. The blackboard was a blur of chalk lines and huge letters I couldn't make out. It was like I couldn't blink the grogginess of sleep from my eyes. Everyone else seemed prepared, but I couldn't find my notebook for the class. I knew it was science. I knew it was in an old notebook from last year, but I just couldn't seem to find it. Then music starts and a big man with a beard comes in. Is he in overalls? I can't really see him either. And...I can tell this is going to be a long semester. What kind of arrogant prick of a professor has his own entrance music?

Earlier, I'd seen some friends of mine, chatted about college. I saw my old roommate in our apartment. I'd even gotten into a sort of questionable situation with an old friend of mine, and he almost let slip some secrets to a group of people that included my boyfriend, which could have been kind of disruptive. We were all watching Mean Girls, when Lindsay Lohan turns into a gigantic pregnant lesbian and starts to beat the shit out of everyone in the gymnasium, even my ex boyfriend, Steve.

I'd yelled out the window at two kids I thought were friends of mine. "GET A JOB!" They both looked up. It was 9 AM. They weren't people I knew. And there they were, in my class. I apologized, but they thought it was funny, since they were listening to the same song I was at the time, one that said, "Get a job" in the lyrics. And I couldn't figure out how to sit right in my desk so I had some space to write on. And...holy cow...I had to pee.

Could I wait 50 minutes to pee? How long was this class, anyway? I didn't know...so...I woke up.

My dreams...oh my gosh...they're so weird lately.