What Tornado Sirens? I Just Need A Roll Of Quarters!

As many of you know, it was TERRIBLE here yesterday. Like, tornado siren bad! And where was I while the emergency broadcast system was repeating its mantra of "stay away from windows" and "get to a safe place" amidst the blaring of emergency sirens?

At work.

In front of a giant wall of windows.

In a building made at least 50% of glass.

And do you know why? Because of y'all! Well, not really you, my readers, but more like "you," the general "you." The public. The masses. The IDIOTS! Seriously!

I'm sorry, but if you have to shout over the sound of tornado sirens for me to hear you in the drive thru at the bank, you probably shouldn't be at the bank. Stay with me now, because this is a crazy, novel thought, but SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT HOME IN YOUR BASEMENT OR IN A CENTER ROOM?!

And more importantly, shouldn't you be NOT endangering MY safety by being AT THE BANK DURING A TORNADO?!

A FUCKING TORNADO! Like, "There goes another cow!" kind of shit! Seriously! Oh. My. GOD!

So while the radio is telling ME to seek safety, your stupid ass needs to get a roll of quarters. A ROLL OF QUARTERS! Seriously? Laundry, gumballs, and video games shouldn't be your highest priority when the tornado sirens are so loud I can't hear you!

And were we allowed to shut down the bank and get to safety? No. You know why? Because OUR CUSTOMERS NEVER STOPPED COMING! It may have even gotten busier while the siren was going. Seriously! I can't make this shit up!

I was so So SO angry! Like, kick-you-in-the-throat angry! Like, rage-filled!

And on top of that, I was hurt. Honestly. I felt like not only was I not taken care of as an employee in an emergency situation, but also not even considered human enough to deserve the decency of shelter in a storm...like some kind of soulless automaton. And it hurt!

It really did.

Out

Restrictions...

Apparently my MacBook bliss has a few strings attached. Dang.

I have to be an employee of the bank for 60 days before I'm eligible. That makes sense, I guess. So, what did I do after I found that out? I got out my trusty calendar and I counted starting from May 11th, just to be safe (I started on the 10th). So...on July 9th I'll be eligible. I added an extra day to be safe...so, really, I guess I could order my new computer as early as the 12th of July, since I have to tell them what I want and wait for them to deposit the money into my account. They tell me that's pretty much immediate. And then? I order it from Apple and wait...

Free 24 hour shipping, though? Sweet.

It's currently thundering...so I think I should probably go. Is it safe to shower during a lightning storm?

Out

April Fool's...

My inbox is surprisingly quiet this morning. No pranks. No pregnancy scares. Nothing.

The Seder dinner last night was great! I met some new friends and saw some old friends. I think I enjoyed myself a tad much. Lots of laughs were had, and lots of drunk stories were told.

Tomorrow I'm going to a friend's house to color Easter eggs. I haven't done that in years, so it should be a fun time. I'm bringing what's left of the cake I baked yesterday FROM SCRATCH! Y'all? I've never baked a cake from scratch in my life! I've never wanted to. And yesterday I wanted cake so bad I MADE ONE FROM SCRATCH! I wanted it to be all chocolate frosting, but apparently we only had half-a-cake's worth. So it's half chocolate, half vanilla. I'm as amazed as everyone that it came out. Seriously...

There's nothing better than a piece of yellow cake with chocolate frosting for breakfast!

It's still really quiet in cyberspace. Outside, though, the birds are singing springtime hymns and the sun is shining like mad. I keep waiting for the snow to suddenly crash down on us and all the birds to shout, "APRIL FOOL'S!" But the beat goes on...

I think I'm going to spend the day outside today. Anyone up for a bike ride?

Out

What Can Brown Do For You?

Why does the UPS guy always show up when I'm naked? Seriously...

And why is my boyfriend getting strange packages that I have no idea about? And why didn't he respond to my text about it?

This morning is full of mysteries! Oooh boy! I'ma put on my brown houndstooth detective cap with the flaps and put my pipe in my mouth, grab my magnifying glass, and search for clues!

It's getting closer to my birthday, so I won't be opening that package. Who knows what's in it. The last time a strange package showed up at our door it was a Frank N. Furter costume. This time? Who knows!

Let me tell you. I'm a little spastic this morning for no good reason. I thought I'd already blogged, and then I realized I hadn't. And it's not even 10! What's the deal? I haven't had this kind of energy since...well, before I was fired, that's for sure.

AND!!!!

It's gonna be 70 this week. 75!!! Maybe it won't snow on my birthday (Apr. 11) for once! The last 2 years, it has snowed. Bitches. But hey...it's supposed to be 65 today. Maybe I'll go ride my bike. It sure would help me get rid of this spastic energy. BAH!!!!!!

Out

Moment of Being...

I am at work and the snow is falling straight down, soft, graceful. It is making everything seem hazy, like a romantic lens on the world. I am having lunch later today with a friend I have not seen in close to five years. I am not axious, like normal. I do not dread awkward pauses or feel like I won't have anything to say. I am genuinely looking forward to it. As I watch the little Bobcat plow the walks across the snowy lawn between my window at work and the street, I am filled with quiet joy, much like falling in love. Not with my lunch partner, but with winter, with snow, with the way this moment came into focus and will soon pass, all the more beautiful in its transience.

Out

*EDIT*

So, seconds after I posted that, I checked my phone. My lunch date has been snowed out. Funny how the two sort of shorted each other out. Bah. Oh well...it's still pretty, and I'll be happy to go home and eat lunch with the cat under a warm blanket. And there's always tomorrow. Transient, indeed.

Out

ICE STORM!!!

So...apparently on the only day I have to (HAVE TO!!!) travel, we're getting ice.  A quarter of an inch of it.  And rain.  Three inches of it.  And cold.  That means flooding and ice.  Woot.  Christmas Eve I'll get to skate to my mom's house and hope I don't die, and Christmas night I'll get to swim back home and hope I don't drown.

I'm dreaming of a mild Christmas...

Speaking of that particular holiday:



I probably won't be back before then, so Merry Christmas, all.  I certainly hope your travels are safe and your moments are merry.  Consider this your Christmas card.

From all of us at Viewtiful_Justin, merry Christmas and best wishes for a great 2010! 

With holiday love,
Viewtiful_Justin
Viewtiful_Robb
Viewtiful_Marbles

Ho ho Out

Baby's First Snow...

I am sitting at my computer at work. I look to my right. Against the dark green privacy fence that boxes in the crappy apartments' patios in the alley, I see something. It's white. It's falling. It's snow.

And I got excited!

I don't know why. Normally, I hate snow. But this is the first snow of the year, and they've been calling for it for two days now. It's here! Finally. It's microscopic, but it's here. And for some reason, I'm excited for it. Now maybe I'll feel like Christmas really is only a few weeks away.

Out