Wednesday, November 25, 2009

San Diego By Way of Alberta...

It's dream time here on Viewtiful_Justin, and have I got a doozy for you today!

I dreamt that I was going to San Diego to visit my Uncle Howard. Pretty tame. But the night before I was supposed to leave, I realized we had a layover in Alberta, Canada. And I had no passport, but they assured me that if I wasn't getting off the plane and actually stepping on Canadian soil, I would be fine.

So I flew Southwest Airlines (my carrier of choice in real life--they take good care of the gays and they don't charge for, their prices are impossible to beat). And I met this really nice older woman on the plane, big hair, big glasses, big front butt. She was so sweet, though. And I informed her that this plane was making a stop in Alberta. She said she knew that, since she bought a ticket, too, and that's where she was getting off.

I am an idiot, even in my dreams.

And then I think I fell asleep because the next thing I recall was getting out of the airport at San Diego. The ocean was washing up right against the doors to the airport, and I had to wade to the parking lot past a fat little black girl who was adorable and kept asking me my name. She asked her mother to bring her her voodoo doll, because I wouldn't tell her my name. So I ran. And right when I was about to call my Uncle Howard to let him know I was in town, he showed up.

Except he was 1980s Uncle with the long hair and the bad teeth and the whole nine yards. And we walked to where he had the car. I saw a guy carrying a jug of water and I shouted, "Hey, Nick!" because, as I explained to my uncle, every water guy is called Nick.

And it turned out to be MY Water Guy...Nick. He was in San Diego for something...and I got in his hoopty van that was full of junk, and rode off with him. We were talking about whether or not he liked his job. He told me he loved it. He seemed really happy and we were just chatting, and then we pull up to a stop light and our faces are really close (since the only place to sit was on the folded up back seat right behind his seat), and he kissed me.

It was awesome. And I was like, "Well alright then. That answers that question." And then we went to this hotel room. He kept trying to find out when he could nail me, and I was unavailable. I couldn't do it right then because of medical reasons or something...and this girl was in the room.

She was gorgeous! Wavy brown hair and a model's body, great smile, long legs, etc. And she says to the Water Guy, she says, "I want some honey, too!" as we're making out. So he gets a bottle of honey and startes dribbling it all over her, and the girl screams and runs away and is like, "That's not what I meant, bastard!" And so they're fighting and wrestling all in good fun, like they're siblings or something.

And then my Uncle comes in and I'm all naked and covered myself with a blanket. He's like, "Are you guys doing the dirty-dirty in here?" And I said no. Because, we really weren't. And then he left and I woke up...I think.

Weird. I told Robb about it this morning. He laughed really hard at the fat little black girl who wanted her voodoo doll. I am ridiculous when I'm asleep. Here's proof.



David said...

I don't even know where to start with analysing this... my first instinct is that your book is finally getting to you.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Ha! Perhaps.

Adorably Dead said...

Your dreams are awesome! "but they assured me that if I wasn't getting off the plane and actually stepping on Canadian soil, I would be fine." I think I lol'ed much more then I should have at this one.

Don't touch the ground!!! Canada is lava! XD

Argent said...

Dr Freud would have a field day! Most entertaining and weird.