The Gimp...

I forgot that I never mentioned this one.

The reason I've been away for a few days is simple: my boyfriend is a gimp.

He was on a ski trip (and I could stop there and let you all conclude the rest, as it's a fairly obvious story, but this one has a...twist) and went down a really steep hill. He didn't crash into a tree and he didn't fall down. In fact, he made it all the way down the hill. And when he'd reached flat ground (his nemesis, he'll tell you) he turned to take a photo of what he had conquered. And twisted his knee.

Yup.

There was a pop, and then he couldn't really use it. So, like any sane man, he skiied on it all day. And then he calls me at 10:30 at night to tell me he's outside of Madison and should be home in a few hours. Okay...

So I got to tend to him all weekend. Saturday we drove to Mokena to get his crutches from his dad's place. And then we went to a birthday party. And Sunday was spent entirely indoors because neither of us wanted to go out.

And I was running to get things for him, to find his crutches, carrying things, openeing doors, etc.

So that's where I was.

Side note: When we went out to eat on Saturday, I was filling our drinks when our order came up. A complete stranger offered to bring our food to our table when he saw that the order they'd called belonged to the man on crutches. See? People aren't always bad. Oh, but my boyfriend told the guy I'd get it, knowing that a drink in each hand isn't enough to carry.

*shakes head*

I love him. And that's why I didn't mind being away.

Anywho...I'll stop rambling.

Out

Common Courtesy a Misnomer...

Seriously.

If one more person today pretends I'm not here when I say "good morning" or "hello" or "have a nice day," I'm going to blow a gasket. Maybe it's a Monday thing. I don't really pay attention to weekly patterns at work, honestly. I should keep a calendarial tally of how many times people are rude during the week.

If you haven't worked with the public, you'd be astonished.

If you have...meh. Just another day at the office, right?

But really. I implore you. Please! When, during the course of your day, someone says "hello," respond by saying "hi" or "hola" or "hey there" or, my personal favorite, "ahoy-hoy!" Don't leave them hanging. And when they say "have a nice day," you should tell them, "you, too." Really. Dont be THAT guy or girl.

Common courtesy doesn't cost you anything. You're not out of pocket or out of time. And you might actually be that bright spot in someone's day (especially if you say "ahoy-hoy").

Let's all work together to make sure that common courtesy is aptly-named.

Out

Soap Box...

The prophets died today,
God's word forever stuck
to swollen tongues and blistered lips.

I bought a megaphone.


Out

Amazing Grace...

I wrote this poem a few months ago, found it again recently, and thought I'd share.

Amazing Grace

I don't want society's interpretation,
The judgment passed by neuroscience.
I am not interested in what this desire is called.
Don't quote me a percent,
Trying to transmit fear.
My love has been recovered from the enemy,
Particularly that which carries a cross,
That greatest hypocrite the world allows.

------

Out

Locked In the Car...

A guy came to the bank today to make a deposit, and when he got inside he told us he'd just locked his keys in his car. Drag. He called his buddy to come get him, hoping he wasn't in class. And since he had some time to kill, we had an impromptu story time.

Julie told us that when her boyfriend took her dog with him to go get Buffalo Wild Wings, the dog got so excited when he was coming back that he jumped on the lock button in the car, locking himself in when the car was running. Awesome.

And Nancy told us the story about how the only time she ever locked her keys in her car it was raining. Nice.

I told the story about how my brother locked his keys in his car three times in the Farm & Fleet parking lot. By the end of that particular few weeks, the cops knew him by name.

And then I told about myself.

I once locked my brother's keys in his trunk while we were out swimming at a pond we weren't supposed to be swimming in. And then he stood on the swivel seat in a beached boat and fell, landing on his back on the pointy front of the boat. And...we were stuck there. Luckily, the door were unlocked, so he opened them and tunneled through the insulation to get into the trunk. I was mortified, being that all his friends were there, too.

I also locked my keys in my car in the Wal Mart parking lot. After the cops came to get my keys out, I walked back in and had a copy made.

And the most embarrassing instance of all?

I was at Applebee's meeting my date in person for the first time ever. We'd talked online, emailed, and we were finally going to meet to have dinner. My first date. And I saw him parked in his spot, a cute guy. I was all flustered. I locked my keys in my car--while it was running. What a way to start a first date!

And you'd think that any guy whose date locked his keys in his car while it was running would probably not be in it for a second date, or even the rest of the first date...but that first date was Robb, and we've been together for over three years.

After telling the customer these stories, I looked him in the eye and said, "See? It could be worse." And he smiled, heading back out to his car to wait for his ride.

Out

Have You Seen Me?

First off, I'd like to start by saying that "fun size" candy bars are a lie. What's fun about unwrapping three of those instead of one regular sized one? There's nothing fun about that. It's just annoying. A fun-sized Milky Way bar would be as big as a Greyhound bus and contain enough rich, delicious caramel to drown several children.

That said, even less fun are those bite-sized pests. You know what I'm talking about--that mix of Hershey's Milk Chocolate, Special Dark, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Mr. Goodbar, and Krackel. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mix. But unwrapping all those little pieces of chocolate...ugh. So much work.



And besides, I usually eat all the good stuff first, leaving the Mr. Goodbar all sad, yellow, and alone. There just aren't enough Krackels in there to keep me satisfied. So. I decided that while we were at the Hershey store in Chicago a few weeks back, that I would buy a regular sized Krackel and finally get my fill.

So, I looked. And I looked. I searched the bins and shelves and assortments. I even went so far as to ask a clerk. And you know what I found out?

There aren't any. They don't make regular-sized Krackel bars. Apparently there isn't enough call for them.

What? You'd better tell Nestle to discontinue the Crunch bar, then. Chocolate and crisp rice? Apparently over.

I guess that's why I'd never seen one.

Out

Monday...

I don't subscribe to the "Monday's Are Bad" school of thought, usually. But today...today is really trying my every last nerve.

Apparently they're tearing down ANOTHER old building in town, and this one also adjoins the parking lot at work. This means that this morning there was a huge demolition company semi parked directly in front of our ATM...blocking the parking lot entirely. Neither Nancy or myself could get in to work. So, we had to go all roundabout to get in. Meanwhile, they're taking up all our available parking spaces. And this will continue for a long time, because the building they're taking down shares a wall with a building they are NOT taking down. Tricky business, I guess.

Add to that the fact that we're short handed today, it's the beginning of the month, and it's a Monday. Shake. Don't stir.

But after one o'clock I'm free. At least until tomorrow at seven in the morning. And the third of the month is when all the crazies come out. Awesome.

So much to look forward to.

Out