If you're in a bed-sharing type of relationship, this will probably be a review, but if you're one of those single people who thinks sharing a bed with someone is all bliss and flowers and butterfly kisses, listen up.
You think the Magna Carta was important? You think the U.N. is a delicate balance of power and play? Try bed politics.d
Let me break it down for you.
This is a bed. Our bed, actually. Our down comforter is navy, our sheets are a sky blue.
The blue pillows are mine, which makes the green box my side. He has the gray pillow, so, it follows, that the purple box denotes his side.
Simple enough, right? Well...what about our 15 lb. feline, the one who thinks both the green zone and purple zone are his? After many nights of grumpy wake-up calls and being kicked out of bed over and over again, he's chosen a few spots that he knows will give him a good chance of sleeping through the night...or at least until 4 AM when he decides he needs to get us up to feed him. Here:
He's got the red zones. Anywhere on top of our pillows is fair game, which means that some nights I sleep with a fashionable, purring, testy hat. The three cat zones at the foot of the bed are places he's found where he won't get kicked too much. He barely ever sleeps in the purple zone, since Robb is a little more restless in the night. He's a smart cat, which means that He spends a lot of time in the green zone.
But see, that's not all! No, no. What about those nights when we go to bed angry? Bedtime talks that turn into arguments? Oh...the pain. In that situation, special yellow zones are created.
These put us as far from each other as possible. If I can sleep while tottering on the brink of falling, somehow that will prove how angry I am and how much I don't want to be touched or looked at. This leaves the remainder of the corresponding half of the bed open for the other party. Generally, this leads to consoling, making up, and reluctant cuddling. The majority of these actions take place on the discarded half of either green or purple zone. Rolling out of the yellow zone is considered acquiescence, and it shows a willingness to work things out. The yellow zone is a bunker of anger that sometimes leads to a very tense night of sleep and a silent morning.
Okay, so there's that. Rethinking your position, single people? It's all very complicated...lots of political rigamarole when all you want to do is sleep. Well, then why do we do it? Why do we put up with having someone else in our bed at all? Aye, there's the rub.
Let me tell you about the last zone, the pink zone. That would be what makes it all worth it.
This is why we put up with all the other stuff. The pink zone, friends, is the cuddle zone. Warm togetherness, bodies entwining, sweet words, kisses, whatever. It's the consolation after the fight, the prize for getting through another hard day, the place where the troubles of the world just don't exist anymore. The pink zone.
As you can see, the cat mostly hates the pink zone...but that's another story for another time. Maybe we'll explore all of that in Bed Politics 201.