I was reading the blog of someone much wiser and more comfortable in their own skin than I am (Davey Wavey, for anyone who cares) this morning. Today he told me that I shouldn't say "should".
At first, I thought, "What is this new-age crap?" I was picturing a parent sitting their child in a chair and saying, "Mommy doesn't like it when you hit her in the face with your toy trucks..."
Ugh.
But he says that "should" implies guilt and failure. As in, "I should go ride my bike, since it's so lovely out today!" or "I shouldn't have eaten that second tuna salad sandwich."
Makes sense. He says that negative feelings don't help to foster an environment where we can grow and change for the better. It's not encouraging. It's punishment. We can't change what we "should have" done. It's in the past. Why worry about it?
So there's that. I've put a post-it on my wall to remind me.
Smart guy, that Davey Wavey.
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4 comments:
I seem to remember Deepak Chopra saying (or maybe it was just thinking) something similar about not saying "should" or "will." You create the mindful intention of doing by thinking "I have done ___."
Mind you, I think Deepak is full of shit in a lot of ways.
as my mom says: "It's not what you said, it's how you said it."
So "mommy doesn't like it when you hit her in the face with your trucks" said all firmly and followed with "so you can have them back when you're ready to stop hitting, and no backtalk from you, mister." Is fine.
Also: "I should go ride my bike, since it's so lovely out today!" Is great...if you then go ride your bike. Also acceptable: "Hey, babe, we've got a wide open calendar and the weather is downright elysian out there...we should go to the beach!"
And "I shouldn't have eaten that second tuna salad sandwich"....well, you should haven't eaten the first one because those things are an assault on your tastebuds. Respect your palette! (palate?) ;-)
Ha! I love tuna. And I make a kick ass tuna salad.
Hmmmm, interesting. I guess some of it makes sense, but honestly it's the kind of advice that I never can seem to integrate into my life. Of course, I don't often beat myself over negative stuff that happened in the past, so I guess there's that...
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