Sunday, June 16, 2013

On Father's Day...

I remember when I found out you were stalking my blog.  Crowbait in my visitor's feed caused me pause, and a few clicks led me to pages and pages of vitriol aimed at me, what I had written, and how I was disappointing you in every way you could think of.

Part of me was flattered, as sick as that sounds, that someone had spent so much time and energy looking at the words I had written and writing their thoughts.  What hurt was that you called me worthless, said that you wanted to cut my limb from the family tree, and misinterpreted everything I wrote about you.

Which somehow sounds familiar.  Hm.  That's a disturbing thought.

Onward.

So I wanted you to know how I truly felt.  I wrote something that couldn't be misconstrued, misinterpreted, or misread in any way.  And you responded.  Wanted me to change my name.  Sounded happy to be rid of me.  We divorced.  Good riddance.

"It's the hardest thing in the world, being your son."

You crashed your motorcycle, spent a few days in the hospital.  You bought a houseboat, so I heard.  Moved to the Mississippi River in a house with no electricity.  Live on a boat.  Mostly.  Pirate dad.  And now I fight for my brother's time, coveting the hours he's in town, counting the days we have left before he escapes West.

So forgive me for not celebrating.  For the tenth time.

Out

4 comments:

Bryan Ochalla said...

I ... I don't know how to respond to this. Other than 'sorry' :(

eddiebinde531 said...

Powerful stuff man, take solace in that if you choose to go that road that you can always be a better, empathetic, and understanding father than your own. You touch so many people's lives and make them so much brighter I bet. He just hurts himself by shutting out your light.

David said...

I'm so sorry your dad responded like that. That's just dumb. Life is too damned short to put such artificial barriers between those who should be most important to us. It's his loss, which doesn't mean shit when it's your dad though.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Thanks, guys. When I started writing this post, it wasn't supposed to be such a downer. Just an honest assessment of my feelings about Father's Day...which I guess is how it turned out.

The funniest thing about it all is that our falling out had nothing to do with my sexuality. It was a fight 20 years in the making...about how he never told us he was proud of us, never gave us any kind of reenforcement, and how he pulled tuition promises out from under me two days before it was due one semester. So....yeah...

Anywho...