Monday, April 6, 2009

(Dis)invited

I wish I could tell you that this past Sunday I had a great time at Medieval Times with Robb and his family for his dad's birthday. Unfortunately, I cannot. It has nothing to do with the show or the service. I'm sure they were wonderful. It has everything to do with the fact that I was uninvited.

Disinvited, as I've been calling it, because the manner in which it was done was so disrespectful.

Let's go way back...way back to before I'd ever met Robb. His older sister married a guy named Scott. And he was cool, way cool. He loved the drag queens, and he and Robb's sister even took Robb to his first pride parade. He was pretty much everything you could want in a brother-in-law.

And then something happened. And no one is really sure what...

He lost his job. He started drinking. That was last year-ish.

Fast forward. Robb and his sister are planning to take their dad to Medieval Times for his birthday. Dinner and tournament! Plans were laid. I was invited. And then I heard nothing for a while.

Fast forward to Friday of last week.

Robb emails me. Family drama. He didn't want to talk about it through email. He didn't want to talk about it at all. I went home and was getting ready for my birthday party. Robb was visibly bummed out. I asked him why.

Apparently his once-cool brother-in-law has taken all his accumulated self-loathing and become Hector Projector. And now we're the hated ones. Because we're gay. Suddenly he's this uber-religious, super-conservative, hateful bastard. He told his wife that he wouldn't go if we were both there. And then they bought tickets for everyone who was planing on going EXCEPT me.

So, in order to avoid conflict on the day they were celebrating his dad's birthday, Robb went. He pulled his sister aside and told her how horrible and discriminatory it was that this was going on, but he went. I don't fault him for that. I'd have done the same thing.

And she says she's going to do something about it. I am not holding my breath.

It's the first time I've been actively discriminated against--singly, anyway. And it makes me sick. How can someone I've had next to NO contact with be so shitty to me? How can he be such an asshole to his brother-in-law Robb who has been nothing but a spectacular uncle to his kids?! It's a damn shame, really.

And when someone hates me for no reason, it makes me want to give them a reason. I know I'd feel a hell of a lot better about him if he hated me for a reason. And if I didn't care so much about his sister and those three kids, I'd firebomb the damn house, slash his tires, do donuts in the back yard...something...anything to give him a reason.

But this senseless, baseless, random hatred is too much for me to handle. And it's not okay. Ever.

Out

11 comments:

distracted by shiny objects said...

Had I known I would have ditched work, or come picked you up so you could sit with us and view Neurodrama in all it's glory.
Let me first say I am very sorry to hear about your experience. Let me also say I am very sorry for all the players in this mess, including Birthday Dad, Robb, and the sister/wife with 3 kids who is living through this personality change in the same house with the man.
Hope you can rise above the pettiness and keep your eye on the ball which is love and, second to that, your own integrity.
I once was "disinvited" to Thanksgiving day at my boyfriend's family's home--don't know why--and persona non grata with my present sisters-in-law because I'm Catholic, and therefore going to hell. Hopefully without those bitches:>)

Emily said...

I have no words. That is so awful. What a hateful person he is and how awful of his wife for not standing up for you!

I'm so sorry. That sucks.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

@ Distracted - I am trying really hard to keep loving despite being hurt. That's for sure. Thank for empathizing.

@ Emily - Yeah, it's a fairly shitty situation all around. Honestly, I'm more upset about how much it has upset the boy than I am about myself. It takes a lot to upset Robb, my rock, and this has certainly done it. And it hurts me.

Argent said...

My heart goes out to you. I am genuinely puzzled by people who behave the way uncool brother-in-law just did. Does he imagine that by treating you so ungraciously, you'll say to yourself "I know what, I'll give up being gay and then maybe he'll like me".

My other half's mum and dad did not attend our wedding and his sister threatened to disrupt the ceremony because I was a) NOT catholic and b) partially-sighted, therefore obviously a retard or something and not good enought for him.

We did make up eventually, but, boy, what a waste of everyone's time and energy!

I'd be pretty tempted to hurt this guy too, but you're clearly so much better than he is. Hang in there. We have a saying about things like this: the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind, don't matter.

Apologies for gobbing off so much.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Gob off as much as you'd like, as often as you'd like. You're welcome here.

And thanks! I keep waiting for people's pettiness to stop surprising me...but it never does.

PepeB said...

This is a very sad story. But I also wonder: Why doesn't anybody of the family dare to ask this man what happened to him when "something happened"? What hurt him so much, that he changed completely and wants to hurt other people? He really misbehaves, but is there no way to find out WHY?

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Yeah...it's a mystery. I think everyone assumes it's because he lost his job and started drinking.

All Is Fair said...

Justin, I am so very sorry.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Thanks. :-)

Roia said...

1. Ouch! What a mean thing to do. And what a lousy position in which to put Robb's whole family. Uch already!

2. What if brother-in-law man is actually realizing he may be gay and fighting it by hating it in you and Robb? (And sabotaging a perfectly nice life by drinking and losing his job) In which case, it's up to him to move along in his level of self-awareness/tolerance. Not much else you can do other than be a witness.

3. Just ask me to hush up if I'm a) reading too much into things here and/or b) am too tired to make actual sense.

4. Either way, it really rots that you were so rudely dis-invited.

5. I don't know what's with me and the numbering thing. Maybe your post about the 10 or 15 things got me started. Or maybe I'm just odd.

A human kind of human said...

Oh my soul! How rude. I can imagine how horrible for you and Rob, but the one I feel truly sorry for is his wife. Imagine the position she must be in. Hope this guy pulls himself together soon as it sounds as if he is on a self-destruct mission at present.