Thursday, February 18, 2010

Anger Management...

Yesterday, at one point, I was screaming at my printer at the top of my lungs and smashing my fists on the desktop like some kind of giant baby throwing a tantrum. No, really.

My day went like this:

Me: I would love it if my camera worked again magically.
Camera: Okay! Done.
World: Oh, no...we can't have that.
Crap: We're on it!

And the floodgates opened.

Before I left for work my packages from Amazon showed up. I waited all day to get home and play the game I bought for my Wii. I was short $19.01 at work. I got home and popped said game into my Wii and it wouldn't read the disk. I tried and tried, to no avail, getting angrier all the time. That's what I do when inanimate objects's my rage trigger.

So I tried another game, and it worked perfectly. It was definitely the disk.

I called Robb to vent, and our conversation was sort of like this:

Me: I need to vent or I'll die.
Him: My phone's about to die; I'll call you later when I can plug it in. I'll call you later.
Me: Don't bother. I'll be at church...or lying in a heap because my head exploded. Bye.

Out of sheer hope, I cleaned the disk and tried again. No luck. So I threw it back into the box and got on Amazon. Their return policies are wonderful. I chose to print my own prepaid shipping label. I hit print after installing our printer driver on the new computer, and it started. Here's how it went down:

World: Ready, printer?
Printer: Ready! Ready crap?
Crap: Ready!

Out of ink. Paper jam. Flashing light that wouldn't go off no matter what I did. Print job that wouldn't cancel.

My printer was in dangerous territory, because NOTHING makes me angrier faster than printer malfunctions. I wish I were kidding, but I've been known to beat the shit out of a printer that won't stop being an idiot. I once punched a printer in the face and it spit out a handful of gears, and from then on it worked perfectly. It was so odd...

I have anger issues. I've always been a person with a terrible temper, but I've mostly gotten it under control over the years. It only comes out once in a while (mostly when printers are involved).

So...I did what any sane, logical, rational, calm person would do. I screamed," CANCEL THE FUCKING PRINT JOB!!!" at the top of my lungs and slammed my fists down on the desk top, scaring the cat out of the room.

I'm sure there were other choice words, but I was in a fugue at that point. I raised my fists at the printer, and then I put them down, unplugged it, emailed myself the link to the shipping label, and said I'd do it tomorrow at work.

I think that's progress. Don't you?



Bryan Ochalla said...

Sounds like progress to me :)

If it makes you feel any better: I often get so upset at my slow-ass laptop that I yell at it at the top of my lungs. Oh, and I threaten to throw it out the window, or throw it on the floor and jump on it.

BTW, what Wii game decided not to work for you?

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Little King's Story. Insult to injury, Bryan. *sigh*

Argent said...

I'm so gonna burn in Hell, I laughed myself stupid at this post because you have painted a perfect picture of me! The fist-banging, the shouting and scaring the cat? Been there, done that. Sometimes I try to cram all that rage back down where it came from but I swear one of these days, my eyes are gonna pop right out of my head and go shooting across the room. Rage. I haz it.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

I push it down and down and down and then it explodes at places and times when it should not.