It's really hard for me to get back in to blogging when I've had the content of my blog decided for the last three weeks. Thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me. I see most of you deserted. Or maybe you just didn't have anything to say.
Was it too much?
I've been writing poetry lately. I've also been a little depressed for no reason, but that tends to happen to me around the 20th of the month. It's my time...and yes, guys have cycles.
Mostly unhappy with my job, honestly. I almost got fired last Saturday...stupid story that doesn't bear repeating. But I've decided just to fall in line, be a robot, and invest as little as I can into my job until I find something else. They want me to be a robot? They'll get what they want.
And after I agree with them to avoid conflict I get a fortune cookie that says, "Avoid agreeing with someone only to avoid conflict." No lie.
Even the cookie thinks I'm wrong. Fuck. My. Life.
I wrote this poem when I gave up:
Five Star Language
It hurts to change--
that fundamental switch somewhere inside,
below your heart, perhaps,
or buried in grey matter,
the giving up of a fight you vowed to win,
the letting go of clenched fists
that lead to an unfurling of petals from bulb
shoot from seed
cliche from lips...
the only way we'll ever grow.