Saturday, August 22, 2009


It's really hard for me to get back in to blogging when I've had the content of my blog decided for the last three weeks. Thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me. I see most of you deserted. Or maybe you just didn't have anything to say.

Was it too much?

I've been writing poetry lately. I've also been a little depressed for no reason, but that tends to happen to me around the 20th of the month. It's my time...and yes, guys have cycles.

Uninspired, unmotivated.

Mostly unhappy with my job, honestly. I almost got fired last Saturday...stupid story that doesn't bear repeating. But I've decided just to fall in line, be a robot, and invest as little as I can into my job until I find something else. They want me to be a robot? They'll get what they want.

And after I agree with them to avoid conflict I get a fortune cookie that says, "Avoid agreeing with someone only to avoid conflict." No lie.

Even the cookie thinks I'm wrong. Fuck. My. Life.

I wrote this poem when I gave up:

Five Star Language

It hurts to change--
that fundamental switch somewhere inside,
below your heart, perhaps,
or buried in grey matter,
the giving up of a fight you vowed to win,
the letting go of clenched fists
that lead to an unfurling of petals from bulb
shoot from seed
cliche from lips...
the only way we'll ever grow.



Kathy said...

Remember what I did.

Hugo: Non récupérable!

Jean-Paul Sartre, Les Mains sales

Berenger: Je suis le dernier homme, je le resterai jusqu'au bout ! Je ne capitule pas!

Eugene Ionesco, Rhinocèros

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Yes yes. You are a shining example of quitting ones job because it's killing them. I have no savings, so I need to find something else before I can do that.

Argent said...

I, for one, love your blogs even if I don't always comment on them. I feel for you right now, too. I've had that trapped feeling for ages now. I'd like to make a big change, but I don't have loads of money to live off and I have a dependent to provide for, so it's not that simple. What has been helpful for me is to put my energies into stuff that DOES engage me outside of work. Blogging, making music etc. Your poem hit the spot for me, by the way. Let's have more poems, please.

Melissa Blake said...

You know I love you!! Hang in there; you could always come give a talk to my Kaleidoscope students. :)

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Thanks, all!