Thursday, September 3, 2009

Dilemma...

There is this woman who goes to my church on Wednesday nights, and I have a problem with her. She's also a customer at the bank. Yesterday she came through the drive and Debbie, a woman I work with, said, "Oh man, she is nasty!" Meaning she is rude and mean. And then she says, "AND she's a pastor!"

Now, I knew she was a pastor (not of our church). That was no surprise, but I didn't think it was common knowledge. See, when someone you know is a bitch AND a pastor, it's hard to take them seriously.

At church she is smiley and sweet and nice. In our drive thru, though, she's just absolutely rude and mean and horrid to deal with. And it makes me wonder if she knows I know her from church, and if she'd be so rude if she knew. If she would, then she's just a shady pastor and a bad representative of Christ's love in the world.

I just feel like it needs to be brought to someone's attention. Because frankly, I know church people can be assholes. So can everyone else! But when people who you KNOW don't like church people notice that they're assholes, it makes me upset. It's like, "Way to be another reason that people don't go to church."

So I considered writing a letter to the church where she's a student pastor. Just sort of a "Hey, to whom it may concern, perhaps you should remind such-and-such that she is a representative of your church AND of Christ's love when she's out in the real world, and maybe she shouldn't be so rude."

Do you think that's out of line?

Out

10 comments:

Kelly Muys Wood said...

That's tough, especially if she hasn't been rude to you directly. I've dealt with people like this in the past, and it always irks me.

It reminds me of a story I heard of a bunch of young people in seminary who were being taught to help those less fortunate. When the dozens of students left the class, all but 1 walked right past a homeless man asking for help. Crazy, huh?

Along those lines, I think it might be worth it to suggest that the church includes a lesson one Sunday or in a class of hers about compassion to others we encounter daily in seemingly trivial ways. Maybe she's simply forgotten or maybe she has some kind of hang up with banks. Wouldn't it be interesting to see if she took notice and changed her behavior, though? Then if she doesn't, everyone has ample reason to raise the point with her...

http://tearinguphouses.blogspot.com

Kathy said...

You should address her directly at church first. Take her to the side and be non-confrontational but tell her the facts. People try to avoid serving her and they all know she is a pastor and make comments. They are shocked that she is so nasty to service people AND a pastor. If she asks why you are telling her this, be truthful and say "I am one of those people and you don't even realize it. You are blind to service people." Then, walk away calmly but quickly so she can't engage you in self-defense!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Hm. Interesting thoughts. Thanks!

Argent said...

Aw, I was going to say what Kathy said. It always requires a certain amount of bravery, this kind of thing and I'm rubbish at it myself, but I think you should make her aware of what's she's doing. She may actually not realise it and be grateful for the heads-up, you never know. Maybe you are God's instrument in this situation to help her.

Matthew said...

That is EXACTLY what needs to be done. You write that letter. Too many people forget about the things directly outside of themselves. Give her a helping hand... or, a slap in the face. :)

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Thanks, Matthew and Argent!

Freckle and Hyde said...

Confront her, respectfuly, in front of all of her peers {the church}. I'll bet you all the money I have {don't get excited... it's not much :)} that some of the people in the church have seen this side of her as well. Gently remind her that, as a pastor, she has a responsability to teach and set a positive example. Not wear a game face.

Wow! not sure why but this burns me up! Now I want to confront her. lol.

One more thing...I hope you're not giving her any free lollipops. ;) If you are make sure it's a grape one. Or a broken one. {Too bad they don't have prune flavor for special customers like the pastor.}

Viewtiful_Justin said...

LOL I love that comment, Freckle and Hyde. Thanks!

Adorably Dead said...

Your letter is more in line then what I would have done, which is to ask her the next time she uses your bank and you wait on her if she's this rude when she's in church. Or something of that ilk. I say write the letter.

Teresa @ good-grace said...

oh, HELL YES! I say send the letter. I think that all the time when I go into our St Vincent DePaul Thrift Store, and I see how rude some of the people are to the poor who come in with vouchers. It makes me highly uncomfortable to see an outreach ministry/charity treat people so terribly. People who are already down on their luck. I've been tempted to say something on the spot, but then I figure I would just be make the situation even more awkward.

AND, we have a pastor who lives next door to us and he and his wife are straight up assholes to our children!?! I'm like, dude, if you have something to say to my kids about your grass, you really need to direct it to ME - and not my 8 year old. wtf?!