Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Top 5 Tuesday: Ice Cream Edition...

Everyone love ice cream!  And if you don't, you must be one of those Commie Nazis.  And sure, it wouldn't be hard to list your top five favorite flavors, would it?  Cake Batter, Fudge Brownie, Moose Tracks...BORING!

No, no! 

Today I am here to give you my list for the Top 5 Failed Ice Cream Flavors!

5)  Spewmori

Spewmori is the offbeat cousin of an already questionable flavor:  Spumoni (chocolate, pistachio, cherry).  Spewmori is a tantalizing blend of three flavors we think you'll go gaga over!  Pomegranate, Onion, and Chutney!  Oooh.  Yum!  With real chunks of onion and pomegranate seeds (all the rage nowadays), you'll be a hit at any party when you serve this!

4)  Dill Pickle

I know, I know.  They HAVE this.  It's true.  Go to a very specialty ice cream stand and you'll be able to get a dish of this for $4.  It's a delicacy.  Yeah...right.  So are snails, but you don't see me chomping them down.  I'veh ad it, people.  Don't waste your money.  The combination of sweet and...dill...NO GOOD!

3)  Al Gore-gia Peach

This delicious blend of flavors pays homage to one of the leading political minds of our time!  Without his global warming scare film, people may not know enough to conserve our nation's natural resources, like the Georgia Peach!  That's why this blend features Peach, Corn, and Toupee flavors!  Mmm.  Nothing says delicious like a Georgia peach combined with one of the U.S.'s most abundant natural resources!  Corn?  No!  HAIR!

2)  Beef Jerky Fudge Swirl

You love fudge!  Who doesn't?  And you love beef jerky!  Why not put them together and swirl them just for fun!?  The salty, chewy jerky combined with the sweet, chocolatey fudge will make instant memories at any birthday party!  And with a base of vanilla, you can't go wrong!  Serve it with cake or steak!

1)  Neighborhood Stray Tracks

You've had Moose Tracks, Bear Tracks, Fox Tracks, Elephant Tracks, and any other tracks they've put out there.  I can guarantee you've never had this!  New, from the people who brought you all those tantalizing flavors comes Neighborhood Stray Tracks, featuring fur, caramel, and mystery chunks!  People love mystery, and this carton has it in droves!  Cat fur?  Dog fur?  Ferret?  Rabbit?  I certainly hope those brown chunks are chocolate and peanut butter!  Slap this into a dish and call up yer kinfolk!  It's time for fun!

And there you have it; the Top 5 Failed Ice Cream Flavors.  Who knows, with the publicity they'll garner here, you may see them in your grocer's freezer the next time you're looking for a late night snack!



A human kind of human said...

This is the closest anybody has ever come to putting me off ice cream. How can you do this to me Justin. I feel about ice cream like other people feel about chocolate. Thank heavens I live in SA and we have Ola!

Argent said...

Truly gross! I have heard that in Africa they have crisps (potato chips) in fruit flavours instead of salt and viegar etc.

In china they use tomato as a dessert and eat it with sugar (very nice actually!) and also in China I tried toffe-coated roast potatoes and they were great.

Still don't fancy those ice creams though.