Monday, May 2, 2011

Jury Duty...

Yup. I have jury duty this morning at 9:30. I've never had jury duty. I have to report for selection...I hope I don't feel rejected when they send me home. I have the same feeling this morning as I do before a job interview. Ugh.

So, since I'm going to be at jury duty today, here's something to tide you over. I wrote it yesterday at writing group to answer the prompt "If you could ask God one question..."


I was dead. That I knew. I searched my mind for my final moments and came up with a foggy image of candles. I don’t know. I guess it wasn’t important. But here I was. Heaven. It wasn’t the Ritz. I guess I’m not really allowed to tell you about it...but trust me, you’ll like it when you get here. If you get here. Although to be honest, I haven’t been able to come up with anyone who isn’t here...not that I’ve tried too hard. But...I’m not really allowed to tell you about that.

The thing that was most exciting to me was that I got to have an audience with the big cheese--who isn’t at all like you’re picturing. Unless you’re picturing a giant--never mind. I can’t tell you that, either. But I was thrilled. I got to ask any question I wanted. And it wasn’t like I only got one. I could ask and ask and ask until I was satisfied. But when I got my audience, I was so awed, so in shock, and so happy that my mind sort of went a hive of bees falling out of a rotting tree. I couldn’t get it together, couldn’t make a question materialize. I stood there, agape, something I was sure God had seen before. Apparently you can be embarrassed in Heaven. But all of a sudden it hit me, the question I’d most like to ask.

I opened my mouth, and God said, “You don’t want to know.”

“I think I do,” I replied. “ do you know what I’m going to ask?”

“I’m God.”

“Riiiight. Sorry. I’m not used to meeting celebrities.”

God laughed. Actually laughed. It was a sound like nothing I’d ever heard. It put me instantly at ease, and I smiled.

“Okay,” God said. “I guess I can tell you. Remember the Crusades?

“Well, I wasn’t there personally, but I know that a lot of terrible things happened in your name.”

“Right. Well...that’s why.”

“Wait...but that was thousands of years ago,” I replied, confused.

“Give or take,” said God.

“’re telling me that the Crusades are the reason that he came to power?”


“ he here?”

God looked at me. “Not yet.”

“Thank God,” I said. “I’m so sick of Justin Bieber!”

“You’re welcome.”




Bryan Ochalla said...

Ha! Now *that* is a great story :)

Good luck with jury duty, by the way. Although what the former means when it comes to latter, I'm not sure...

Viewtiful_Justin said...