Apparently I'm insane.
I went in. They looked in my mouth. He touched around, chilled some of my teeth to check for sensitivity. I didn't feel anything. I told him where it was sensitive. He said there were no cavities. So...I paid him $40 to tell me to try Sensodyne toothpaste and ACT mouthwash. That's it. "Try that for a few weeks, and if you're still experiencing discomfort, come back."
So I can pay him another $40 to tell me there's nothing wrong...