Monday, January 17, 2011

No, Seriously...

What do you do with a BA in English?

A friend was talking about working for Groupon at 30K+ a year. That's not too shabby. He didn't get the job,'s something.

Why am I talking about this? Oh, no specific reason...I'm just feeling a little useless lately. It's like, I went to college. I graduated summa cum laude. Top of my class. And what am I doing? Working part-time at a bank. Writing novels on the side. Not editing. I couldn't support myself if I needed to. If something happened to Robb, I'd be moving back in with my parents. I don't want to have to do that, because then I'd also be jobless. It wouldn't be worth it to drive an hour to work every day.

I have nightmares where I go back to Sullivan's...another grocery store job...and it's terrible. Everyone I know there has moved up in the company and I'm still a part-time cashier. I don't know where anything is. I don't know what to do. And I'm older than everybody, even my boss. Thank God it's only a nightmare. But, honestly, it could become a reality. God forbid.

I just...felt like I'd be doing more with my life at almost 30. I'll be 28 in April. I can't leave my job until July at the earliest, since I'm still paying for this computer. If I leave, I'd have to pay the remaining balance up front. Right now, that would be almost $700, I think. I don't have that.

I could move up, maybe, someday. I don't want to work at a bank all my life, though.

That begs the question, "What do you want to do?"

Own a bookstore. I want to be the owner of a used bookstore. I really do. It's a dream. Just a dream. Realistically? I don't know. I want to get paid to write. I want to do something that makes me feel smart again. I feel so dumb...and I feel like I'm getting stupider all the time. I need to go back to school. I figured I'd be through grad school and teaching college lit by now. I'm kind of glad I didn't take that route, since the economy went south and schools are STILL feeling the aftershock of all of that. But still...

Sorry. This is bleak stuff. I'm just looking at my life and thinking about change and how impossible it would be right now.

Just call me the news stand at the end of the world.



David said...

January appears to be a pretty bleak month this year. Republicans took over Congress (and Minnesota). Salmaan Taseer was assassinated by his own bodyguard. Dexter didn't win a Golden Globe.

And I have you beat to 28 by two months and nine days. Kinda seems like a bit of a booby prize. I feel very much the same. Looking around, thought that more would have been accomplished by now; that I'd be married or at least dating someone by this point, I'm self-sufficient (for the most part) but solitary. Want to go to grad school but don't even know how to begin going about it. Maybe this is our coming-of-age crisis, and thirty really is the new twenty.

In lighter news, "End of the World Books" sounds like a great name for a bookstore. It'd attract quite the diverse clientele.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Booby prize, indeed...and what are we to do with boobies?

Bryan Ochalla said...

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way :( I'm not sure I'm the right person to give any advice, since I'm in a position slightly (but not entirely) similar to yours, but I'll give it a go anyway. It sounds like you need to take some time to really think about what you want to do with your life -- change careers, go back to school, open a bookstore, etc. Maybe having that in the back of your mind will help you get through your current, temporary situation?