Poem About Death...

I'm sort of ready to sweep them under the rug
Followed by the Mexican Hat Dance
Or a tantrum.
Old people.
Croaking, shaking, too trusting, too paranoid.
Just so I don't have to think about it anymore.

Today I was told I was losing my job.
A dead canary in the mine.
I should be running out screaming
But all I do is sit here
Waiting for it.

I can't imagine this struggle going on
For sixty more years.
Living through decades of pain
Only to be hated by some spiky-haired kid
Who used to work at the bank.

Out

Sort of an Update...

I was going to post a little getting-to-know-me post, seeing as how a lot of people who read my blog have no idea who I am aside from what I post.

But.

I don't really feel like it at the moment.

My manager just told me I might want to start looking for another job, because the chances that I'm keeping this one are slim.

So there's that.

Out

Pet Peeve of the Day: Redundant and Repetitive...

I was walking back to the water cooler to fill up my cup (duh), and I heard my boss say something to a customer that made me shiver involuntarily:

"VIN number."

And then she said smething else that made my skin crawl:

"PIN number."

Eww. It's a PIN. Personal Identification NUMBER. Vehicle Identification NUMBER.

It's not a Personal Identification Number Number or a Vehicle Identification Number Number.

I know...I know...stupid. It's something everyone says and everyone knows what it means. I'm a stickler. What can I say?

That's why it's a pet peeve.

Out

Disappearing Act...

I'm trying hard not to disappear. Fighting the urge.

We got a new computer, as you know. And I've just found out how amazingly fun Spore is. Let me tell you: There's something magical about creating creatures. Maybe it feeds in to humanity's obsession with playing God, but seriously...it's maybe the funnest game I've ever played.

And I haven't even installed The Sims 3. That'll be this afternoon after work (I still have a job. No new developments there).

The urge to disappear is strong. Just devote myself to Spore for a few weeks.

Let's hope I don't get fired. This would make job hunting seem REALLY difficult.

Out

NEW COMPUTER!!!

So, after a month of agonizing and asking questions and researching and driving to Best Buy, we bought a computer.  Well, Robb bought a computer.  I spent my computer money on emergency tires.  It was always going to be HIS computer, anyway.  I still have one that works, and now I have a spiffy new (hand-me-down) monitor.  It's a flat screen.  I used to have one of those HUGE things that ate all my desk space.  Now my desk looks naked and empty. 

Before you go asking what we got, I'm going to say this:  I'm not telling what we bought, because invariably someone will tell me what we SHOULD HAVE bought.  And right now, we're so sick of other people's opinions about computers that we're just going to keep it to ourselves and be happy with what we have now.

It's a desktop, and it will run Spore and The Sims 3.  So, that's really all you need to know.  If I disappear for a few days, I'm probably being eaten by make-believe people.

But hooray!  He paid for it (and a new monitor) last night, and Best Buy kept it overnight to optimize it and get rid of all the crapware that comes pre-installed.  Hooray for not having to do that!  But let me tell you...we went to the store in town and they were sold out.  So we RACED to a town that's an hour away, got there in a half hour, and made it before the doors closed at 7.  And then we had to drive home with just a monitor in the car. 

Today will be the longest day of my life.  Robb's cashing in on his comp time and coming home a few hours early, stopping at Best Buy to pick up the machine on his way home.  I think I'll hug it when it gets here.  To busy myself, I think I'll do some manscaping, clean the bathroom, go to the library, and go buy Spore and The Sims 3 with my gift card. 

The bathroom certainly needs it.  Check out our filthy mirror:



Eww.  Maybe I'll do that first...

Out

Old Lady Rage...

So, an update, perhaps, on the bad check situation:

I had a dream two nights ago that I met the old woman who deposited that fraudulent check in Schnucks, the local supermarket, and we got in a fight. She tripped me with her can and I pretended to fall into a huge stack of heavy boxes and knocked them over on her. I "fell" on her and left her under the pile. And then we got into it in the parking lot and she tried to steal my groceries so I threw orange soda at her car. And then I couldn't find my car...and I woke up frustrated and angry.

In real, waking life, we haven't seen her yet. She said she had a check to bring in to pay us the $8200 (not $8800 like I originally thought) she owes us. She said it was being overnighted. The next day she called and said she'd be in tomorrow. Yesterday she called and said that because it was raining she wasn't coming in. We suspect this new check of being fraudulent as well, because she told us it was from the same place. Grr.

She's told us three or four different stories about where the check came from and why she got it and all this crap. She's a deceitful old hag and I want to hit her so hard her head spins around.

We called the bank the original check was drawn off of and the guy who wrote the check just HAPPENED to be there. It was so odd. So we talked to him, it was really shady, and now we think he's in on the scam. He said he knows the woman, but not personally, and he wrote her the $25,000 check. Why on Earth would anyone write someone they only kinda knew a check for that kind of money?! It has shady written all over it. And, the old woman won't let us talk to her daughter, whom we know is involved as puppeteer in this whole shenanigan.

So the higher ups at the bank told her she has to come in tomorrow at 9 when the lobby opens or we're getting the police involved. Truth be told, the police can't be called until she has 40 days to pay this money back.

Meanwhile, I very well could lose my job waiting for that to happen. Hooray.

So that's the update. It sounds really confusing because it IS really confusing. I don't quite get it all yet, and I suspect we still don't REALLY know what's going on here. But I'll keep you posted. God knows I'll have enough time once I get fired.

I think there's a special place in Hell for people like this.

Out

Holiday in the City...

Monday, Robb and I both had the day off (hooray for bank and government work), so instead of sitting around the house bickering, we decided to go out and bicker.  Actually, we had a lovely time in Chicago.

We took the train in, which is one of my favorite things to do.



The train windows make for awesome color washes.  It was a long-ish ride, but we got there.



We normally just hop on the el once we get into the city and head on up to Boystown for some thrift shopping and sightseeing.  This time, though, we decided Michigan Avenue sounded nice.  I convinced him to take me to Millenium Park first, though, since I'd never been there in the winter.

We visited the bean; yes, it's overdone, but it's a must.



He started it.



And, of course, I followed suit.  I could take pictures with this bean for hours, but my camera likes to tell me its battery is dead in cold weather, so I stopped.

We watched people biff on the ice skating rink:



It looks like it was nasty out in this photo.  Winter will do that.  It was actually just a little foggy but mostly blue skies and sunshine over the lake.  There were two hot Navy boys in uniform skating around the rink, too.  We had to stop and watch them for a while.

The boy bought me hot chocolate (which was amazingly good for concession stand quality), and we headed down Michigan Avenue, stopping at the river to take some photos.



The ice looked so cool all broken up in the river.  There was a surprising amount of trash and goose poop spread over the top, though.

While we walked, I passed something that made me laugh, and I had to go back and take a picture.



It's the Victoria Secret store.  And look juuuuuust inside the door.  That would be the hetero waiting room.  There were about 6 guys in Carharts and boots just standing in the foyer between the two sets of doors, trying not to look awkward.  Well, epic fail.

We shopped around for a while, hit the Banana Republic store, where, as I said, I got a $60 sweater for $13.  It was pretty awesome.  Oh, and I got these 30% off, too:



I wore them to work yesterday with my green argyle sweater that the boy bought me for Christmas.  It was out of control. 

We cruised Water Tower place, got some free chocolate from Godiva, and saw these:



Do they have these in the public bathrooms where you all live?  It's a Dyson Airblade.  You stick your hand in the top and it just blows like hell, and when you hands come out, they're dry.  It takes about five seconds and is AMAZING.  I washed my hands twice just so I could use it again.  I know, I know...I'm a dork.

It was a nice night on the town.



We ended in Boystown at our favorite restaurant:  Nookies.  It's a family style place with great food, great service, and cute waiters.  I love it there! 

It was a lovely day in the city, and we were home before 10:30, too!  All told, a great time!

Out

A Poem After Ironing...

I'd like to say there are no wrinkles in Heaven,
But even St. Peter can't exorcise a crease.
No, no.
The robe of an angel or saint rising from knelt prayer
Will be just as wrinkled as if they'd done it on a
New Jersey turnpike.
No; there are still wrinkles in Heaven.
It's just that there, nobody cares.

Out

Update:

So, there's a very high chance that I will get nailed for an $8,800 non-policy loss. We're doing all we can (posturing, threatening, prayeing, pleading, calling, screaming, etc.) to recover any of that cash before the check goes through, but we're having no luck. The customer is MIA because the phone number we have matches the one in the phone book, and both are not current.

Dang it.

So...I may lose my job. We shall see, I guess. Maybe it's the best thing that could happen. It certainly would force me to fulfill one of my resoutions: get a full time job and get the hell out of the bank.

Right now, there's nothing I can do but hold every check that comes through my hands to make sure it doesn't happen again. But really, there's no use worrying about it. It won't do any good.

My verdict: meh.

Out

So Much For That...

Well, all good things must come to an end, and shortly after I read that post back to myself I thought, "Uh-oh. That's a lot of good in one small space. Where's the big bad to offset it all?"

I know I made a resolution to be more positive, but after 26 years of thinking like that, its a hard habit to break.

Well, I found it.

A woman came in a few days ago and deposited a check for $25,000. She's had an account with us FOREVER. She's ANCIENT, and she's MEAN! Oh, and senile...blah blah blah. All those reasons were taken into account when I bypassed the 7 day hold on the check and made it available the next day.

Turns out the check is fraudulent. And guess who the $8,000 she's already taken out goes against? Yeah...I don't know what the heck I'm going to do about that.

I used my best judgment. I was trying to be a good customer service rep. And yet...I'm going to get slammed for a nonpolicy loss. Because while they cram customer service down our throats and punish us for not getting ABSOLUTELY PERFECT scores (on random customer service calls), we're apparently not supposed to do what's best for the customer. So. Damn.

Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

Out

Good Saturday...

You might think it's hard to have a good day on a Saturday when you have to be up at 6AM to get to work by 7; but!

I heard Bad Romance by Lady Gaga on the way to work.

I got in to work to find that my coworker had surprised me with a cinnamon crunch bagel from Panera. YUM!

I heard Bad Romance on the radio at work.

The boy is doing laundry whilst I am at work.

And to top it all off, it's a good hair day!

"Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

Out

My Little Freakout...

It was 2:00 and the courier was here. Our work wasn't done being put together, there were 3 people in the drive and two in the lobby. Deb was working with a customer at our banker's desk and Eddie, our manager, was on lunch. Nancy was helping a woman in the drive who was trying to deposit into her daughter's PNC account (which we can't do until June when we convert), and I had a huge change order. It was chaos.

Well, I got the courier stuff done and out the door, and was halfway through a customer when I realized that I had forgotten to put half the work in the bags. The courier was on his way to his car with the bags, and Eddie had just returned from lunch. He and Deb were standing at the little door to the teller area, blocking the only way in or out. I had to get out to the courier before he got in his car, and I was so frantic that my words wouldn't work.

I just rushed up and went, "LEMME OUT LEMME OUT LEMME OUT!!!" And then I raced out the door. Oh my gosh...hysterical! It just...came out. I couldn't stop it. I just kind of freaked out...

But I made it to Carl the courier in time to give him the rest of the work! And now I'm just sitting here laughing at myself...there were customers in here and everything...oh man.

Hysterical. Not my proudest moment...

Out

Today's Motto...

Every day I spend working a job I don't care about is a day wasted.

Out

It's a Mystery...

I just sent this photo to a stranger:



No, it's not attractive.  Yes, it's me yelling.  Why did I do it?  They asked me to.  Why did I agree?  I dunno.  Why not?

Have you tried Mystery Google?

You enter something you want to search, and it gives you the search results of the LAST person who entered something.  People put in missions, inspirational quotes, or just random stuff.  I got a mission that asked me to photograph or videotape myself yelling at the camera and send it.  So I did.

I know...not a beautiful way to introduce yourself to a stranger, that's for sure.  If i had my way, I wouldn't meet new people by sending them a photo that makes me look like an angry baby.  But there it is.  Blah.

Seriously, though...try it.  Bash down those inhibiting walls and fulfill someone's random internet wishes!  Who knows...you might fulfill someone's lifelong dream.

Out

Money Shots...

I was searching for a photo to put up here.  It seems I don't post many anymore.  While I was looking, I realized why.  I don't take as many pictures as I used to.  And when I do?  Mostly friends or random stuff at work.  And all those random money shots from work--let me start over.  All of those random pictures of money from work are going to be in a book someday, a book about things people write on their money.  Ha...money shots.  That's gotta be the title of this blog!  *changes title*  Ahem...anywho...money.  Writing...blah...

You want a sample?

I get things that surely have a back story, such as this:



The writer in me hates finding these because I never get to learn what the story is.

Then there's political statements:



It says, "Free your Mind Don't be a Slave"

And then there's political psychopathy:



Apparently Alexander Hamilton was the King for all Emigrants?  And had something to do with the Nazi regime?  The history books never taught me that one...maybe because they weren't written by raving psychopaths. 

So...yeah.  I've been collecting these for as long as I've been working with money.  I want to publish them in a book.  All the phone numbers and well wishes, the rantings and the odd stamps...compile them all and put it out there for the world to see.  And who knows, maybe people will start sending me bills they find, sort of like Post Secret, but with money.  I'd much rather get money than postcards! 

Out

Church...

There's been a lot of dialogue in my life regarding church lately.

I had lunch with an old friend of mine whom I had not seen for almost five years. The last time I saw him he was one of those gung-ho for God, conservative, I'll-pray-for-you, hate-the-sin type of people. Over a hot dog (eaten with no irony) and Italian beef with mozzarella at Portillo's we discussed our past few years, plans for the future, and what had changed.

He wanted to be a youth pastor. Now? He wants to teach college English.

And over the course of our conversation, he mentioned his "apostasy"--his turning from the church. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of that decision in his life.

I was shocked, in all actuality. Other than that, I was sort of glad to hear it, although at the same time, sad. This was so much a part of his identity when I knew him before. And on his path to get a Biblical Studies degree, he somehow realized that he didn't want to be a part of the church anymore. But he still wants the degree. It sounds familiar. I was there when I went to Judson.

In studying the Bible honestly, without any kind of "mystical distance," as he put it, you sort of realize that it's not really a great book. It's really hard to see it as something written by a loving God--or at least, it's hard to reconcile much of what is in there with the image of a loving God. Granted, he's God, and he's most definitely above human understanding. But the more closely you look at the Bible, the more the rotten parts of the fruit start to appear.

Killing in God's name. And I realize this is an OT kind of thing, but still...
Misogyny.
Gender inequality and gender equality side by side in the two creation stories.
Framing devices written thousands of years after the meat of a book becoming something that the church focuses on when teaching.
It goes on and on.

And I'm not trying to bash on the Bible by any means. I'm just being honest with what I've found to be problematic in my own life. I used to think the apostle Paul was great, but upon studying his words at length, I sort of think he ruined Christianity. And that's where my philosophy of "God's people are not God" is really helpful.

Instead of dismissing the whole church for being based on a book I really have some issues with, I realize that fallible man helped write that book. And they aren't God, no matter how "divinely inspired" people might think they are.

Jesus. There's something I can latch on to. The guy embodied love. He tried to teach a new way of doing things that was revolutionary for its time. He wasn't playing church. He wasn't coming to maintain the status quo. He came to love.

I know a lot of my readers might get a bad taste in their mouths at the mention of church, Jesus, and that elusive love, and I won't begrudge you that. You have every right to believe what you would like to believe without anyone telling you you are wrong. I don't feel threatened by another set of beliefs, and I feel no need to argue about it, to convince anyone of anything. I'm just being honest. And in all honesty, the church gets it wrong on so many levels. Christians are responsible for more hatred than I care to think about.

But instead of closing myself off from that, instead of dismissing it and saying, "Well, I can't be a part of the church," or "I can't be a Christian," I claim my faith. I'd rather be the one among the masses who is different, the one who loves instead of hates, the one who is trying to change the name from something that inspires a bad taste in your mouth to one that conjures up an image of radical change, difference, love.

And maybe I fail pretty much constantly. But I'm trying.

So yeah...that's my little opinion about church...

Out

Moment of Being...

I am at work and the snow is falling straight down, soft, graceful. It is making everything seem hazy, like a romantic lens on the world. I am having lunch later today with a friend I have not seen in close to five years. I am not axious, like normal. I do not dread awkward pauses or feel like I won't have anything to say. I am genuinely looking forward to it. As I watch the little Bobcat plow the walks across the snowy lawn between my window at work and the street, I am filled with quiet joy, much like falling in love. Not with my lunch partner, but with winter, with snow, with the way this moment came into focus and will soon pass, all the more beautiful in its transience.

Out

*EDIT*

So, seconds after I posted that, I checked my phone. My lunch date has been snowed out. Funny how the two sort of shorted each other out. Bah. Oh well...it's still pretty, and I'll be happy to go home and eat lunch with the cat under a warm blanket. And there's always tomorrow. Transient, indeed.

Out

Finishing...

Yesterday was a day for finishing things. Our internet was down, so I was really productive.

In the morning I worked out and then went to get one tire put on my car. I know, I know...you should do them in pairs. But I just put tires on my car a year ago, and I wasn't about to pay for two when I only needed one. So...new tire. I have sneaking suspicion that Farm & Fleet fleeced me. I think maybe the seal was just broken, but they just replaced the tire without checking. Blah.

I came home and finished the new Zelda game for DS. The Spirit Tracks? Way fun! Who knew driving a train could be so intense?! But it's done. Over. Finito. Kaput.

Then I sat and finished a book I'd been reading called The Calling: A Year in the Life of an Order of Nuns. Let me tell you a secret. I love nuns. Love them! The book was pretty good, although her choices about how the book was arranged really made little sense to me. But it was still interesting.

And after that? I finished a book of poetry I'd been reading by Billy Collins. I love that man's poetry. He's my poetic idol.

I took down the Christmas tree and all the decorations, boxed them, put them away. Fed the fish and the cat.

Did I tell you we got a Betta fish? Robb's nephew gave it to him. The cat loves it! That's why we keep it WAAAAY up high.

So yeah...then I threw out the rest of the Christmas stuff...old cookies, old cake, etc. etc. etc. It was time.

Hooray for New Year's purge.

And today? I'm doing nothing but looking hot in my tank top and bed head. But seriously? I'm in the best shape of my life right now. In the middle of winter. After the holidays. How does that happen?!

And my Lady Gaga CD came today. Hooray for Amazon!

And now this random post is over. I'll stop boring you.

Out