Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Texting Your Dad...

So...yesterday I said life wasn't that interesting lately. Well, maybe I should stop saying that. I think it invites drama.

I got a text yesterday. Here's the conversation, basically:

Stranger: Hey, I got your number from a friend and I think you're really hot. Are you gay?

So, here's where I thought, "If he's met my friend, the friend would know I was gay. There aren't any friends who don't know I'm gay. If he has a head, he'd know I was gay. So...who has a photo of me that doesn't know I'm gay?

Me: Umm...yes. Who is asking? And which friend?
Stranger: I knew it! Wanna get Chinese sometime?
Me: I don't even know you!
Stranger: Well, think about it. I think you know who this is.

And I did. The Chinese gave it away. It was an old customer of mine who always looked at me funny when he was in the drive. I thought he was gay, and then I found out he was married. So...I wasn't sure what to think. So I said:

Me: I thought you were married.
Stranger: No, that's my twin brother. We pull that trick on everyone.
Me: You must think I'm some kind of idiot! I'd rather you were straight with me than lied.
Stranger: Fine, I think you're hot and I want to give you head. Is that better?
Me: Well, at least it's more honest.
Stranger: So?
Me: I am happily partnered and have been for 4 years. But thanks...

I was bummed, honestly. My boss said she gave him my number because he told her was going to offer me a job. He didn't specify that it was a BLOW job. it was settled. He was a creeper. And married--with children my age. And not going to offer me a job.

Stranger: Sorry. I'll leave you alone.

And that's basically where we left it. And then I didn't sleep last night because my brain wouldn't shut up about the whole situation. And it kept rendering all my memories and thoughts in tiny cubes that dropped in like sand...and it wouldn't let me SLEEP! So I'm really, really tired today. And I thought it was over.

Today, however, I get a text from him offering me a job. A REAL job. It's not what I was making, but it's a job. It's 20-30 hours a week, plus selling incentives and on-the-job perks (not sex!). He says I have "that look" with my hair and clothes and the way I carry myself, that I could sell the product to girls and interested guys without a problem. Waitwaitwait...I get offered a job because I look gay? I don't know what to think. Is he still trying to get in my pants? Is he realizing he can't have me and trying to keep me nearer for a change TO have me? Is he honestly trying to help me out, now that he knows I'm unemployed and poor?

See, this is how my life works. It's never simple. It's never a job I am SURE about. It's always this morally gray area that I'm forced to trudge through for every friggin good thing that comes into my life! What the hell?

So...yeah. This is my life.



Argent said...

Yikes! That all I can think of to say. Let's hope a less ambiguous job turns up, like YESTERDAY!

Bryan Ochalla said...

I'll second that 'yikes!' I hate to say this, but he'll definitely continue trying to get into your pants if you take the job. In fact, that's more than likely the reason he's offering you the job. If you're OK with that, go ahead and take the job, but personally I wouldn't do it.

PepeB said...

This story is incredible, but I think you reacted very well. And to his job offer: If it gives you a bad feeling already, better stay away from it. Something else will turn up, I'm sure. Good luck!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Yeah, that's kind of my verdict, all. I'm gonna pass this one up...I don't need to be fighting sexual advances at work.